Whether you’re a seasoned dirty talker or new to the idea, naughty conversation can be a fun way to spice things up in the bedroom. Whispering more than just sweet-nothings in your partner’s ear is a surefire way to intoxicate them with your words and have them squirming. Knowing what not to say is also important to avoid offending or turning-off your new swinging play partners.
The sexiest and most successful dirty talk comes from telling your partner exactly what you want! Get comfortable expressing what you desire and what you want to do. Being enthusiastic about what’s happening or is going to happen is a major turn on.
Dirty Talk Cheat Sheet
If you’re starting out, or have already dirty talked away all your best lines and need some fresh material, try these tantalizing phrases with your next swinging partner:
- Tasting you gets me so hot
- It drives me crazy feeling you/your nipples get hard
- You make me so wet/hard
- I go wild when you…
- Spank me
- You are so talented with your [body part]
- That feels so good
- You are screwing me so hard
- You’re so deep/tight
- Your [body part] is so hot
- That’s how I like it
Dirty Talk Tips & Tricks
The best dirty talk happens organically. It is when you share your honest desire using your own words. To help you figure out your own dirty talk phrases here is some helpful advice to start you on the right path to sexy fun.
Be honest in your comments about body parts and desires. Don’t say or suggest something simply to sound sexy. For example, if you’re with someone with an average to small sized penis, don’t tell him how big he is. If you love big breasts and are with a woman who’s flat-chested, don’t say hers are the greatest you’ve ever seen. They’ll most likely be able to tell it’s not genuine, which ruins the mood and makes your partner question any more of your dirty talk (and compliments outside of the bedroom too!). The same goes for suggesting sexual positions and acts you don’t love. If you’re not into backdoor action, don’t suggest it just to please your partner.
It’s important to read the mood. If you’re in a hot whirlwind of a situation where you’re swept up and literally can’t wait to fuck, tailor your words to suit that ambiance. If you’re with someone in a scene that involves low lighting and chill jazz music, you’ll probably want to steer away from the hardcore and more graphic stuff. Instead, try something like, “Your touch is amazing.”
Use All Five Senses
Not sure what to say? Think about all five of your senses and what are you enjoying the most. What about them do you like seeing the most? Are they wearing a sexy perfume or cologne that is driving you wild? What are they doing/touching that feels so good? How do they taste on your lips? What are they saying or moaning that is turning you on? Rotating through all five of your senses will give you plenty of sexy things to say without having to repeat.
Use Foreign Languages
If you can speak a different language, that’s often going to be a turn on, even if they don’t know what you’re saying. You can give them directions to the nearest gas station and they’ll be melting and moaning anyway.
If you’re not sure what to say, you can lean on “talk dirty to me”. This takes the pressure off you and puts it on your partner, but they might be unprepared and have trouble responding after being put on the spot. This is a good idea if you already know they’re into dirty talk and you’re feeling a little shy.
Sexy Consent & Communication
A great benefit to dirty talk is that it can even be part of the consent process! Asking in a sexy way if your partner likes what you’re doing, or what you’re proposing to do, ensures both parties are into it. It also avoids the awkward and less sexy way of asking for permission every step of the way. You’ll both feel closer and much safer if you can communicate your desires, e.g., “Do you want me to lick your clit?”
If your partner says yes, you know you have permission to move on to oral sex, and you can turn it into a bit of teasing. “How badly do you want it? I didn’t hear you. Tell me again,” can really raise your partner’s anticipation and have them dying to be pleased.
If you’re partner isn’t responsive to your comments and questions, it’s best to back off a bit. There are plenty of sexy things you can say without getting dirty (“That feels so good” is always a winner). Sex is very individual and sometimes it takes a little time to become familiar with your partner’s preferences and learn exactly what makes them sweat. But with the right choice of a few words (or a lot of them) you should be able to find a combination that has your partner begging for more.
Dirty Talking Mistakes To Avoid
These are some tips to avoid turning people off. Remember that everyone is different so you should approach these as general guidelines. Don’t be inflexible or blindly follow these tips. The more you can adapt & adjust to your sexy friend’s preferences, the better you will be able to delight them.
Dirty talk doesn’t always have to be inherently dirty either. This hot sex talk is meant to be sensual, not vulgar. You want to turn on your partner & avoid turning them off, which makes reading your partner very important. Make sure you ease into the dirty talk to figure out what they like & don’t like. Don’t blindly assume you know what they like to hear. As we’ve already said everyone is different and it can be very helpful to remember that and adjust accordingly. If you ask someone to say something and they hesitate, they might not be into it (or they might be embarrassed to do it too soon). Saying “Call me daddy” or “call me your dirty slut” can be a major turn on for some, but can also be a deal breaker for others. Ease into it and pay attention to their swinger body language to figure out what they like and don’t like.
Some swingers are sensitive towards the “L word” and it can be easier if you just avoid using it or minimize using it as much as possible. This helps ensure there are no possible romantic misunderstandings. Instead of saying “I love this” you can say “This drives me crazy” or “I’ve been craving this”. You can voice your enjoyment & appreciation of their sexiness without using any romantically charged words like “love”.
Skip Shaming Terms
Everyone likes different things. That is definitely true when it comes to some sexual terms that could be offensive or incredibly hot depending on the person. Many people don’t enjoy derogatory or demeaning terms like slut, man whore, bitch, well you get the point. It is safer to stick with complimentary dirty sex talk. Pick a body part and say how good it makes you feel. Comment on their erotic talents and performance. Giving compliments and encouragement is always appreciated (unless it’s a BDSM party and they have a humiliation fetish, but that’s a different article).
Hot Button Topics Lead to Cold Feet
Avoid anything remotely close to a hot button topic. That means don’t comment on anything to do with their age, weight, race, or any other sensitive topic. Sure, your intentions might be good but you don’t know how it might be received. Why risk any misunderstanding? You never want to risk throwing a cold, wet blanket on a situation when the heat is starting to build up. Don’t say how good they look for their age, just say they look good & don’t risk triggering their sensitivity to age. Don’t comment on their stretch marks, just say their body is amazing. It’s simply smarter to avoid any sensitive topic.
Not A Joking Matter
Jokes are definitely good early on in the flirting stage. Yes, many swingers like to have fun & not take their sex life too seriously but being too silly during sexy play can backfire. When you transition from flirting to swinging, leave the jokes behind. It is safer to keep your jokes to a minimum when the clothes start falling off. Stay in the safe zone at first and focus more on the sexiness and less on the silliness unless someone accidentally trips while trying to undress seductively because that can be really funny.
Whispering your questions and comments softly in your partner’s ear is a surefire way to keep the mood sultry. Making your demands more vocal suits an intense setting… just make sure you don’t wake the neighbors. No matter what you choose to say, say it with confidence. There’s nothing sexier than confidence! If you sheepishly ask your partner to fuck you harder, they’re going to be less inclined to do it, and will be unsure if that’s really what you want. If you tell your partner exactly what you want, they’ll take pleasure in knowing they can drive you wild. Say whatever comes to you in the moment – the words will flow right out of you if you relax and let your primal desires take over.