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You are here: Home / Lifestyle Tips / Handling Clingy Swinger Couples 

Handling Clingy Swinger Couples 

Swinging can be loosely traced all the way back to the orgies of ancient Greece and Rome, and it has continued ever since as couples have enjoyed each other’s erotic company. Even though this practice has been continuing for a long time,  some situations still can be unclear how to handle them politely.

One of those situations is when the other couple becomes too clingy. Why? Well, many swingers approach the lifestyle as fun & casual affairs.  This is one of the critical things that separates swinging from the emotional attachments of polyamory.

So, how can you avoid clingy couples in the lifestyle? How can you deal with them if you’re already facing the situation?

Check the couples in advance

Let’s go back to the basics.  When dealing with other couples, it can be challenging to ensure that they have a stable relationship. It’s challenging but worth it because no one wants to deal with the headache of another couple’s drama.

The swinger dating sites are a good starting point for this.  They allow you to chat with other couples, get to know them, and see if they have any certifications/verifications from other couples. Doing this will give you a good peek into the other couple to figure out if their swinging style might be a good match with yours.

So, check the couples in advance, and if they pass, make arrangements to move forward with a meeting. If they don’t, Well, it’s not the end of the world. There are plenty of other couples on these sites.

Don’t ignore red flags

Swingers should know the difference between sexy friendship & emotional attachments. When they confuse it, it usually starts slow, and you don’t always see things coming. Hence, spotting red flags could be a big timesaver for you.

How do red flags look? They will not be as evident as them falling into your arms professing how much they love you.  It is more likely to start with intrusive texting or expecting you to hang out with them every weekend.  They may try to use guilt to make you reconsider a rejected offer of playtime. These are all small red flags that warrant your attention. Many early warnings get missed because people think that they are overreacting or “looking for trouble when there isn’t any.”

When you see a red flag, remind the other couple of your boundaries and communication preferences.  If they are respectful people, they will be happy to learn how to make you feel more comfortable.  Dealing with minor issues is much easier than waiting until a situation reaches its breaking point.

When the line is crossed

And when the line gets crossed, some become so clingy they make the other couple consider quitting the swinging lifestyle. Those clingy swingers might even seem like they understood the situation – you told them once. But then it repeats! If they’re making you feel awkward, the best thing to do is to be proactive and tell them that playtime is over with them.  Don’t be unnecessarily rude, but be clear about your intentions.

Here are some examples of things you can say. Feel free to adjust the wording to your style.

“My partner and I are working on making new friends. Playing with only one couple was never part of our plan.”

or

“After much thought, we have decided to change our swinging rules to match our comfort level and protect our relationship.  We are limiting our repeat play with other couples.”

Good connection and compassion can go a long way in making your interactions with other couples better.  Of course, like most of us, you probably hate making others feel bad. But the real question is: do YOU feel good?  It is important to remember others have insecurities and fears just like everyone else, but keep in mind that being true to yourself and your relationship is more important than protecting an outsider’s feelings.

Walking away – simple as that

If the line is more than crossed, it might be best if you cut contact. Protecting your relationship is a higher priority than protecting others who don’t understand personal boundaries.

There is plenty of fish in the sea. Most of them are respectful and welcoming, which is a significant relief, especially after a bad connection. With each new experience, you will be better able to avoid the potholes that might pop up in your swinging path.

And don’t worry – you will eventually find great couples you like and who will be happy to respect your boundaries.

Learn to find the balance

As always, the solution lies in the balance. If the couple is curious about you but doesn’t creep you out seeking intimate details – keep them close! Keep exploring, talk more, and see if your connection grows. New, different people in your lives will add more excitement, more knowledge, and it’s a healthy way of bringing balance to your relationship.

Be exactly who you are, and don’t act like someone else. Be generous because emitting good energy has a positive effect on everyone. You know the old saying – you attract not only what you are, but more what you fear, what you feel, and what’s on your mind.

Last Updated: July 25, 2022
Written By:Dr. Georgia
Tagged With: Conversation Starters

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Welcome to Swingers Help! We’re Dr. Georgia & Will Fuchs, a married couple who have been enjoying our swinging time through the consensual non-monogamy community. Our experience hasn’t been perfect or drama-free but we don’t regret at all making the decision to start swinging. To share our swinging enjoyment, we authored the top ranked Swingers’ Little Helper book and provide free videos, articles, games, & relationship exercises on this site.  Join us as we share our insights on the swinging lifestyle.
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