After all your searching you have found a couple that you want to meet up for some possible sexy swinging but you are unsure about how to handle the first time meeting in real life. Don’t be nervous about swinging first dates or meet ups. We’ll walk you through some ways you can handle it more smoothly to protect yourself and increase the chances of sexy success.
Where to meet?
Pick a place that you enjoy. Many discreet swingers use a restaurant or bar in a neighboring town to reduce the chances of their vanilla friends interrupting their swinger dates. Try to pick a place that is not overcrowded so there is more chance your conversation won’t be overheard. Avoid family friendly places, because screaming kids are annoying. Hotel lobby bars are a good option and they offer the option of grabbing a hotel room if things proceed well. You can also pick a coffee shop since they usually aren’t crowded past the morning rush and it doesn’t lock you into a long dinner if there is no sexy connection in real life. Another good option is to meet at a swinger club specifically for “a drink”. This doesn’t lock you into playing together at the swinger club and if they no show, you can still have a fun sexy time. Unfortunately many newer swingers get nervous & will no show so be prepared. Worst case you still can have a great time with the hottest person – your own partner.
How to greet each other?
Be friendly to both of them. Shake their hands and/or give a light hug. Many swingers when meeting for the first time need to build a bit of a connection before making more body contact. If you are in a vanilla setting, be careful not to overdue any public displays of affection. Causing a scene might offend your new swinger friends who prefer to not be outed as swingers. Remember swinging is more of a team event, so engage both of them. This isn’t a competition. You want to show you respect both of them and are mature enough to be trusted during sexy time.
What to talk about?
Usually it is better to warm-up with some easy topics before getting into anything too hardcore. If you are new to swinging your flirting skills might be a little rusty. Don’t worry you are a natural & your flirting prowess will quickly return. The other couple is probably more nervous them you, so you can all relax & enjoy a drink together. Start by talking about sports, the weather, travelling and other small talk topics. Don’t bring up politics, religion, money or any other hot button topics. If they accidentally bring it up, steer the conversation away from it & back to safe topics. Since many swingers want to be discreet & private, it is also a good idea to stay away from very personal topics like where they work, job titles, schools their kids attend, etc. If the conversation is going well, consider asking them about how they first met or how they first entered the lifestyle or which swinger clubs they enjoy. Pay attention to what they say & don’t say. If they start mentioning other swingers by name, be warned they will probably mention you by name when they meet other people. You want to show you can be trusted by not blabbing about swingers.
Any Secret Tips?
Bring some FU cash. If things go horribly, you can just throw some money on the table & walk away. That is unlikely but it is very helpful to always have that option. You & your partner should also pick a secret word or signal so you can secretly communicate if things are good and ready for sexy time or if you want to eject from this flaming wreckage. Feel free to go to the bathroom to secretly text each other.
How to extract yourself from disaster?
If something is wrong like they used 10 year old photos & aren’t appealing in real life or they are just plain crazy or there is just no real life spark, don’t feel bad for making an excuse and leaving. You can say you aren’t feeling well or the babysitter called to help you get away or there is a work situation that needs attention. You can even be honest and say there is no mutual connection, I know its a shocking idea 🙂 Seriously, remember you don’t owe them anything. You can politely leave at anytime. It is best if you avoid getting too specific when turning down another couple. We don’t want to accidentally offend anyone and we all have feelings. Life is better when we are all nicer to each other.
How to transition to sexy time?
Thankfully, often swinger first dates go smoothly and things start perking up. If everything is going well and you & your partner give the secret go signal, you need to decide if you want to play that night or wait for the second date. Some swingers don’t play on the first date and for others it depends on the situation. We are going to assume you want to play. First you need to check in with your new friends to see if a) they feel a sexy connection & b) they want to play that night. The men can wait for the ladies to use the restroom to chat about this or the ladies can chat privately in the restroom. You can also just make the offer at the table. You can ask them if they want a nightcap back at your place or if they might be interested in finding a place where you can play with a pair of sex dice or another sex game. Yes, its scary & they might say no or they might say yes and you have super hot sex. Be respectful & not pushy.
Where to have sexy time?
You can take them back to your place, go to a swinger club, or grab a hotel room. There are many apps that provide good discounts on last minute hotels. Hotels love swingers because we are very profitable to them and we aren’t a risk unlike drunk college kids looking to party. If you get a hotel room, it is polite to split the cost & remember to leave a tip for the maid. You might want to also have a swinger party bag in the car plus some people feel less awkward checking into a hotel if they have luggage with them. Just remember to chat with them about rules & boundaries. Hopefully you already chatted & it is all clear. If anything is unclear, don’t assume anything & ask first. Clearly communicated consent is very sexy.
Failure to Launch
Most men in the swinging lifestyle will have a failure to launch moment. It is especially common among newer swingers. It doesn’t matter how strong or virile you are, swinging can throw a nasty mental curve ball that will sabotage you and it can even happen in the middle of sexy time. Relax. There are plenty of ways to handle this like switching to oral or sexy touches or switching back to same partner. Many swingers go to their doctor to get ED pills to have insurance against failure to launch. ED pills can turn a mental curveball into a grand slam!
What about following up?
Yes, you had sex but you didn’t propose marriage so let’s keep things in perspective. The next day you can send a text message or email to let them know how much you enjoyed it. If things weren’t great, you don’t have to follow-up. If you want, feel free to offer a follow-up date. Don’t be surprised if they are busy. Many swingers are busy juggling work, family, & swinger fun so it is very common for swingers to not be available. If you didn’t have a great time, you don’t have to repeat, just say you are busy or you prefer not to repeat too soon to avoid any risk of jealousy. If you don’t hear back from them, don’t stalk them. Swinging is usually a low priority compared to work & family commitments.
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