Ladies, if you know you really want to get into the swinging lifestyle scene, but your partner is a little reluctant, there isn’t too much you can do. Pushing the subject too much risks making them feel guilty, and it might damage your relationship. But there are a few ways you could try to get them interested in the idea, so try these before you write off swinging.
Just remember this is not about tricking your partner because that rarely will have a happy swinging ending for you. For the best odds of a happily making your swinger fantasy a reality, try these honest and understanding approaches to present this idea of swinging to your husband.
Start the conversation gradually
“Hey honey, how was work? Would you like a threesome?” probably isn’t the best way to open this conversation with your husband. Instead, consider dropping some hints before the conversation actually comes up or approaching the topic while you’re doing something sexy. Maybe when you’re in bed together ask if they have ever had fantasies about another person or couple joining you. Statistically speaking, men are highly likely to have had fantasies about a threesome, so this might be an ideal starter topic to broach the idea of swinging. This will make it less of a shock, and mean your husband is more likely to keep an open mind. You could also try dropping hints over time that it is something you would be interested. You might be surprised to find out that you’re both wanting to venture into the world of non-monogamy, but you are both hesitant to bring up the subject. However, if there is some reluctance to engage in the subject, try bringing it up again at a later date.
Encourage him to start slowly
If your husband is also interested in the idea of swinging or experimenting with other couples, suggest some smaller events to get into the swing of things. Don’t jumping straight into something like a partner swap. Instead you might want to look into local events that are just normal meet and greets with other swingers, and do not involve nudity or sex at this stage.
This will give your husband a chance to meet some of the people on the scene in a less intimidating setting, and he might feel more comfortable considering the idea after they realize everyone is pretty normal.
Pay attention to your partner’s comfort level
Ask gentle questions, and let your husband have control over when and where these conversations take place. You don’t want your husband to feel rushed or forced into anything. Remember that you might have been thinking about this for some time, but they might have just heard of swinging for the first time.
If he doesn’t want to talk about it, ask if he could let you know when he does feel like he is ready to approach the subject and make sure he feels like he’s comfortable having the conversation on his terms.
Explain why you are interested in swinging
Your husband might feel hurt when you first bring up the idea, so communicate why you’re interested in the lifestyle, and reassure him it’s not because you are bored with him or because you want to break up.
Explain that you feel secure in your relationship, and know that you would never leave each other and that you would enjoy the no strings attached fun. Crucially, you want him to enjoy the no strings attached fun too.
Follow his lead
If you know your husband has had fantasies involving other people, try bringing this up if it is something you’re interested in or would be comfortable with. If you’re not sure, you could ask them if there are any aspects of swinging he might like, perhaps watching you with another woman or kissing someone of the same sex.
Don’t let this feel like it has an agenda and you’re trying to ‘trick’ him into agreeing with swinging, just be willing to explore. You never know, the journey towards swinging might be as much fun as the destination.
Try to avoid persuading
Think of it more as a discussion about an idea, rather than trying to talk him round to the act itself. Don’t make the conversation about whether or not he would attend a swingers’ party, but instead communicate the positives.
Perhaps you feel that it would liven up sex for the both of you, or you know how much your husband loves oral but you’re not very into it, or maybe he’s wanted to try anal and you’ve always drawn the line. Showing him these positives or helping him discover the positive case on his own, rather than pleading with him, is more likely to encourage him to try something new as he won’t feel under any pressure.
Show them some information about swinging
Find some interesting articles, interviews or documentaries that you feel explain why you’re interested in swinging, and send them to your husband. This is a good way to let him absorb the new information at his own pace without feeling like they have to give you an answer straight away. Some people need more time to digest new ideas or options that others, and your husband’s silence isn’t necessarily a bad sign.
You might even find that some articles can explain your feelings better than you are able to describe. There are also some great swinger podcasts that you could listen to together and see if it interests your husband. Pick out points you like and talk about them with him over a drink. Empowering them to research it on their own pace can help keep them feel more comfortable.
Reassure your husband, and ask about their insecurities and worries. It is important that your husband feels special and important, particularly around these tough conversations. Take the time to make sure you tell them they’re handsome, maybe buy them their favorite treat or take them on a date, so they know that everything is good between you both. Remember that just because swinging might be taking care of some of your sexual needs, doesn’t mean the emotional needs have taken care of themselves.
It is important that your husband feels special and important, particularly around these tough conversations. Take the time to make sure you tell him you love him, and consider treating him to a massage or another token of affection. Swinging is only the bonus to your already great relationship. So make sure to remind your husband how awesome your relationship is and how much you treasure him!