Whether you are new to swinging, or a seasoned lifestyler, there are some interactions that can feel challenging. One of these is rejecting swingers after seeing their pictures. What can make this feel difficult is wanting to do it in a gentle way. After all, everyone involved is taking the risk of being vulnerable. Respect is key.
Depending on the situation, you may see someone’s pictures at the beginning of your interaction, or you may begin communicating with them and receive their pictures further down the line. It can be touchy to reject a swinger based on their pictures in either scenario.
Thinking ahead about how you will practice gentle rejection can help you through the process.
Things to Keep in Mind When Rejecting a Connection
Rejection is a part of all aspects of life, not just swinging. Though it can feel magnified and intense at the moment, practice taking a step back and seeing the situation from a wider perspective. Here are some things to consider when you decide to reject a swinger after seeing their pictures:
- Rejection is part of the process. While it may never feel pleasant, rejection comes with the territory of the swinging lifestyle. Remember that swingers know that they may be rejected at some point, and most understand that not everyone they are interested in or interact with will end up being a match.
- The rejection is coming at an early point in the interaction. If you are still at the stage where you are exchanging photos, it is relatively early in the swinging process. Even if you have spent time speaking with the other swinger, you have not made any commitment yet.
- It is okay if something is not right for you. Communicating online and through messages can create a veil that sometimes makes it hard to remember that everyone involved is their own person. Just like everyone else, you have preferences. It is healthy to recognize when something does not feel right for you.
- So, if it is not right for you, stay true to yourself. The swinging lifestyle calls for courage and willingness. It is also important to practice authenticity in your search and interactions. Remind yourself why you decided to experiment with swinging in the first place. Allow yourself to honor your genuine desires. Sometimes saying no or rejecting a connection is the best way to stay centered and grounded in the swinging lifestyle.
- Stay in touch with your core and remember that you are not responsible for others’ emotions or reactions. The only thing you are responsible for when you decide to reject a swinger after seeing their pictures, is the way you choose to do so. Set up your internal boundaries. Your behaviors and reactions are your own. The reactions and behaviors of the other swinger are solely theirs. Even if you wanted to, you could not control their response to your rejection, anyway.
- Take responsibility for your rejection. Since you are only in control of yourself, your behaviors, and your reactions, decide how you want to manage the rejection. Think about what tone and essence you want your message to convey. Use the rejection as an opportunity to practice assertive communication that gets your point across while remaining gentle and respectful.
- Before sending your rejection message, take a compassion break. To make sure that you keep your rejection gentle, spend a moment reflecting on the fact that you are engaging with another human being. It may sound simplistic, but grounding in common humanity can help bridge the virtual gap. Ask yourself how you would feel if you received a rejection message. Go one step further, and ask yourself how you would want someone to reject you.
- Practice transparency. Things are vulnerable and complicated enough in the swinging lifestyle. When it comes to rejections, transparency and direct communication create an interaction that avoids any confusion.
- Keep body sensitivity in mind. Giving honest feedback is great for transparency. Just be sure to keep the honest feedback kind. When someone sends you pictures as a way to see if the connection will move forward, they are putting themselves in a very vulnerable position. Try to keep comments about the swinger’s face or body positive and supportive.
- Remember that you may see them in your community. Even if you decide not to pursue or continue a connection, you may still see the swingers in your community. By sending a kind and gentle rejection message, you do what you can to avoid any hostile interactions in the future.
How To Reject Swingers
If you have definitively decided to reject a swinger after seeing their pictures, there are a few simple tips you can follow:
- Practice Honesty: meet the vulnerability of the swinger and their willingness to share pictures with your own vulnerability and willingness to admit that you are not interested.
- Give Positive Feedback: find something positive about the pictures that you can comment on. Notice what emotions they are emitting in their pictures or if they are doing a specific activity, and create positive feedback that is both genuine and supportive.
- Express Gratitude: as you know, it takes a lot of bravery to send pictures to another swinger and have them decide if they find you attractive. Honor that action by thanking the swinger for sharing their pictures with you. Gratitude can also be a strong way to bring closure to the interaction.
- Wish Them the Best: bridge the digital gap and extend human kindness. Let them know you wish them the best on their swinging search.
- Keep It Simple: you are not required to provide lengthy explanations about your rejection. In fact, keeping it simple can reduce pain or discomfort for the swinger. Stick with a direct rejection, some positive feedback, and gratitude packaged in a simple message.
Sometimes, direct honesty can feel hard to handle when dealing with another swinger. If you are not comfortable communicating so bluntly, you can try:
- Making an Excuse: to make the rejection gentle, create an excuse that puts all the responsibility on you. You could say that work is too busy and you are taking a break from meeting new couples, for example.
- Keeping Things Friendly: if you prefer to maintain the possibility for friendly interactions, you can invite the swinger to say hello should they ever see you in the community.
- Letting the Interaction Fade Out: another way to reject a swinger after seeing their pictures is by neither directly confirming or denying your interest. If you choose this type of communication, focus on responding to the pictures with a comment that makes an observation. You could try something like, ‘you look happy in this picture.’ If you leave that message at that, the interaction may fade out on its own.
Helpful Phrases for Rejection
Here are some simple phrases you can use to help inspire or create a rejection message:
- There’s no visual attraction
- This is a happy/funny/cool picture
- I have decided to take a break for the moment
- The interest is not mutual
- I am not feeling the sexual chemistry
- Thank you for sending your pictures
- Say hi if you see me around
Create a Rejection Plan
If you plan to keep engaging in the swinging lifestyle, chances are you will find yourself needing to reject swingers after seeing their pictures more often than you would like. Rather than dealing with feelings of guilt or uneasiness each time, get proactive and make a plan. Having a basic plan for how you will reject swingers after seeing their pictures will take away the extra work for your mind. You will not have to think about what you should say or what tone you should use in each instance. Instead, you will be able to refer to your template, and adjust where necessary.
A rejection plan can include:
- Specific phrases to use in your messages
- Reasons for the rejection
- Excuses that show you taking responsibility
- Compliments to keep the rejection positive
- Friendly extensions if you might see them in the area
Support yourself in your swinging exploration by having a plan for rejecting others after seeing their pictures.
Let’s recap what we explored. Some simple ways to keep your rejection gentle are:
- Lead with compassion
- Stay true to your genuine desires
- Keep things simple
- Practice transparency
- Say thank you and wish them the best
Gently rejecting swingers after seeing their pictures is doable. Prepare ahead of time by thinking about how you might handle the situation when you are faced with it. Staying true to yourself and being honest shows swingers that you respect them even when you part ways.