Swingers are a friendly bunch. The more social you are the better chances for sexy fun. If you are at a swinging lifestyle party or club, it is safe to assume everyone is a potential sexy connection.
Just remember that potential does not mean anything is guaranteed or effortless. It also doesn’t mean you have to participate in anything. At any time during the swinger flirting process, anyone can stop it. No means no. It is always acceptable to say no thanks at any time.
How do you know if a swinger couple wants to have sex with you?
The seductive flirting process depends on the person and situation, but there is a general flow to flirting among swingers. Here is a simplified explanation of this flirting process and how it escalates from being friendly to making a sexy connection to actually having sexy playtime. Hopefully, this can help you better judge swinger scenarios and minimize any potential miscommunication & misunderstandings.
Flirting Step 1 – Showing Up
Showing up to a lifestyle event means they are open to making a sexy connection. Just like a single person going to a singles bar is potentially available to hook up if they find the right person. Swingers aren’t nymphomaniacs. It doesn’t mean there will be sexy play, but there is hope that a sexy time will eventually be enjoyed with the right match.
Flirting Step 2 – Talking With You
This shows they aren’t turned off, but it doesn’t mean they are turned on either. Feel free to talk with as many people as you like at swinger events. Most people want to have a sexy time that night, so they tend to focus most of their conversations on potential sexy connections. If they move on, don’t be upset. You don’t know if they aren’t interested or if they incorrectly assumed you weren’t interested. If you aren’t interested, you can stop talking anytime, so you don’t waste your chance to find a sexy connection. You can politely excuse yourself to get another drink or get some fresh air or call the babysitter as an excuse to withdraw and move on to another couple. Talking with swingers shows a low level of interest but an easy one to build upon.
Flirting Step 3 – Compliments
If swingers want to build a sexy connection, they will start dropping compliments. It depends on what they focus their attention on. If they compliment your plate of food from the buffet, it is just friendly & polite. If they compliment something more personal, like how sexy you look, they are likely open to getting to know you better. Remember, being open to the idea is not a guarantee. If you want a sexy connection, you should make some sexy compliments about their clothes, body, dance moves, etc., to show your potential interest. Swingers can’t read minds, so show your interest in them with some nice words.
Flirting Step 4 – Touching/Actions
We aren’t talking about overt groping. We are talking about a casual soft touch on your hand or leg as they laugh at your joke. It could also be an invitation to dance together as they drop more casual soft touches on you to judge your response. If you like it, move closer and return the touches in a gradual escalation. Making eye contact while smiling is very sexy and inviting. Being inviting is a good thing. All of these various actions show a potential desire for a closer connection. Some very friendly people do this without desiring you, but it shows a sexy interest in you most of the time. This is more signaling to each other via seductive hints in a low-pressure way. Save the overt groping for after you get consent.
Flirting Step 5 – Making The Offer
Consent is sexy, and you can’t get consent if you don’t ask. When swingers want to make a sexy connection, they will ask. They might not have the courage to ask. If you are interested in sexy play, you should ask them. How does a swinger ask for sexy playtime? You can say something like, “We’re going to see if a playroom is open if you want to join.” This makes it low-pressure and easy for them to say yes or politely decline with no hurt swinger feelings. If you are super nervous, you can say something like, “I heard swingers would touch another person’s cheek to show they find them sexy & open to playing. I wish someone would touch my cheek.” Yes, it’s a little silly, but this makes it easy for them to signal if they are into you.
Often, swingers will err on the side of being too low-key and miss out on making sexy connections. Never underestimate the number of nervous swingers who are potentially open to a sexy connection but don’t know how to flirt & worry about offending others or embarrassing themselves. Being friendly & confident (or at least pretending to be confident) can deliver outstanding results if you want to make sexy playtime happen.
How Not to Flirt with Swingers
While we are on this topic, let’s also chat about what not to do when trying to make a sexy connection with swingers.
Don’t Lurk – You can approach groups of other swingers, but if you realize two couples are trying to engage each other, don’t hover over them. Give them space to have their fun. If you are chatting with another couple and it’s obvious they aren’t into you, give them space to find their own sexy connection. If they re-engage, you can all enjoy some friendly platonic conversations.
Don’t Be Extremely Shy – We all feel nervous from time to time and can be a little shy. That is normal. If you behave like you are scared and hide away in a corner, other swingers will avoid you, and you can forget any chance of sexy time. Here are some special tips for shy swingers.
Don’t Touch First – Show respect and verbally connect before touching happens. Men, let the ladies make the first physical move. Unless consent is explicit, please don’t risk it.
Don’t Get Offended – Act like a mature adult. You are going to be rejected. You are also going to reject others. Be polite and mature about it. If there is a misunderstanding, steer away from any drama.
Don’t Get Drunk & Skip Drunk Swingers – Some swingers will over-imbibe. You can be friendly with them but should not engage sexually with them. They can’t give consent when drunk, and you don’t want to get involved with drama. Slurring your words and being sloppy drunk ain’t sexy. Stay sharp and go easy with the alcohol.
Don’t Overthink – Relax. Swinger parties are fun because, worst-case scenario, you are going home with the hottest person at the party – your own partner. So take a deep breath, exhale, and learn to enjoy the moment.