Ready for action? Excited to make new connections and enjoy sexy times? Slow down for a second and let’s talk about fakers & phony swinger accounts.
You will encounter a bunch of people who are not real swingers. Some of them are maliciously faking for their own personal gain. It sucks but there are a bunch of lonely & desperate people so let’s talk about how to avoid these annoying headaches!
Spotting & Defending Against Fakers
Fakers have many reasons for putting up a false front. A faker could be a lonely vanilla person collecting sexy pictures, a married person trying to cheat on their spouse, or something worse. They will set up online profiles or ads hoping to entice real swingers into their trap. Here are some tips for spotting fakers before you waste time on them.
Avoid free websites and stick with dedicated swinger websites like SLS, SDC, or Kasidie. Forcing members to pay for access keeps many (but not all) fakes away. Some fakers will still pay for access to swinger profiles but most fakes will balk at paying money.
Avoid online profiles without pictures. Real swingers know that you are looking for a physical connection and will be happy to share at least a picture of their body, with their faces cropped out. If someone is unwilling to share any pictures at all, it’s sign they are likely fake or too uncomfortable to play just yet and likely to turn into a ghost or no show flake for your real life meeting.
Avoid perfect-looking profiles. We all want to stumble upon amazing, god-like airbrushed swinging supermodels, but that isn’t reality. If something looks too good to be true, it probably is. You can use a reverse image search engine to see if the images have been stolen from another website. It could also be real swingers who aren’t attractive and trying to pull a bait and switch on you, though certifications on the paid websites make this rare situation.
Make sure to voice verify or read certifications. Most swinger profiles will have certifications/validations from other swingers and party organizers to vouch that they are legit. If you find an online profile that has no certifications from other swingers, you should have the ladies do a quick call to voice verify. This helps make sure the other lady is excited about swinging and not being dragged into an uncomfortable situation. Voice verifying and certifications also protect you from a more common bait and switch situation – a single guy pretending to be a couple.
Skip very short profiles. Very short ads are less likely to be a real swinger looking for a real connection. We want to find good matches and if a profile has almost no information, how show that it is a good match for what you want? Skip the short profiles and go for a profile that has more information.
Don’t use your vanilla contact information. Protect yourself from being outed by setting up a different email address and phone number just for lifestyle communicating. There are bunch of free options for email and phone numbers.
Think twice before sharing. Many fakers like to collect naughty pictures. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t rush to share pictures. Voice your concerns. Start with body-only pictures before revealing your face pictures. Real swingers will understand that new swingers can feel nervous and they will not pressure you.
If you’ve been talking with someone and building a connection, and they suddenly disappear and stop responding to messages, you’ve likely been ghosted. Ghosting is common among fakers and nervous newbie swingers.
Unfortunately, ghosting can also happen with veteran swingers. If they’re having relationship problems, they might unexpectedly disappear from the lifestyle while they focus on their own relationship. If there is a dramatic conversation snafu, like someone bringing up politics or religion, the other couple might run away and cut off all contact. Exchanging pictures can also result in swingers ghosting each other. Before you jump to conclusions, it’s not just about your pictures being hot enough. It could be that you look too similar to their family, friends or coworkers.
Even crazier, you might actually be their family, friend, neighbor, or coworker! Yes, this actually happens quite a bit. The funniest story that we’ve heard so far is when our swinging friends were travelling and unwittingly ended up flirting with another couple who turned out to be one of their identical twins – in that scenario, awkward was definitely an understatement.
There are also false ghost sightings. If you message another couple and do not hear back the same day, don’t assume they are ghosting you. Remember that swinging is extracurricular fun, so it often takes a backseat to the rest of life. Many swingers don’t respond until they can chat together about your message. If one of them is on a business trip, or busy with a deadline, or dealing with family, or distracted by any other of the many more important priorities in life, they can be slow to respond to you. It is better to be understanding and forgiving while you wait for a response instead of assuming it is a rude ghosting.
The best way to fight ghosting is to focus more on real-life meetings. Spending less time cruising online profiles and more time meeting new friends at swinger clubs will greatly increase your chances of actually playing. If you are going to cruise online profiles, focus on couples that have more in common with you, so you have a better chance of making a connection. Chasing after couples with big age gaps or other significant differences increases the chance of being ghosted. Some swingers just don’t know how to politely decline other couples, and think ghosting is easier even though it can be rude and frustrating.
Of course, there is another legitimate reason to be ghosted. If you are turning into a stage 5 creepy clinger, you shouldn’t be surprised that you push people away and make them run to the hills away from you. Be careful not to bury your play partners with too many messages. Swinging is fun, but it’s not anyone’s full-time job. Many swingers don’t have the time or desire to get bombarded with many messages every day. Be cool and don’t act desperate. Flooding them with too many emails and texts usually results in a bad time.
How much is too much? Everyone has their own preference, but many swingers will be ok with about a message a day or less. Some will enjoy more and others will prefer less. You can show off your maturity by asking play partners how they prefer to communicate. Seriously, if you are close enough to play a sexy game of “hide the salami”, you should feel comfortable chatting about your communication preferences.
Being Stood Up
There are going to be times where you are stood up on a sexy date. Believe it or not, there is a good chance they’re real swingers, not fakers. The community often jokes about how swingers have a reputation for being flaky. Honestly, it’s not so much that swingers are flaky; it’s more about swingers juggling a bunch of stuff in their lives. Unexpected schedule interruptions are not uncommon.
The lady might have gotten her period early. Their kids might have gotten sick or forgot to tell them about a school or team event they need to attend. The couple might be having an argument and don’t want to bring their drama out to the public (for which you should be thankful). If they are newer to the lifestyle, one of them might be having a bad case of the nerves. Unfortunate as it may be, there are many real reasons that can cause a last-minute cancellation.
To protect from no-show swingers ruining the evening, stick with swinging websites that have verified profiles. This way, you can minimize the headaches of fakers. Another tip is to arrange first-time meetings at swinger clubs. This way, if something unexpectedly pops up with the other couple, you can still have fun with everyone else at the swinger club. As a matter of fact, you can start partying before they even arrive – so their arrival is more of a surprise bonus than the whole reason you’re there.
If you’re thinking about booking a hotel room, you might want to wait as long as you can to reserve the room just to be safe, or at least make sure the hotel has a generous cancellation policy. Many swingers will just use a last-minute hotel booking app or website so they get a deal and don’t have to worry about cancelling a hotel room due to no-show swingers.
Remember to stay positive if there is a last-minute cancellation with your play partners. Seriously, let’s think about this “worst case” scenario. You get to go out on a sexy private date with your fantastic partner, with both of you looking amazing and feeling excited for some extra special sexy fun. When the worst thing that can happen is having hot, sexy fun with your own amazing partner, there isn’t much to complain about!
Of course, if something unexpectedly happens to you, please remember that no one likes to be stood up. So be polite enough to send an apology in advance, at least via text or email.