If you are like most people, you probably haven’t been invited or attended a sex party before. You might be curious but worried about accidentally doing the wrong thing.
The first thing to know is that you should forget everything you have seen in a Hollywood movie about sex parties. It is comical how inaccurate they portray it. Now that we have a fresh slate, your kinky friends are here to school you up on what to do before you show up & how to act at these sex parties.
Finding Sex Parties
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. If you haven’t been invited yet to a sex party, go join the swinger dating site that is popular in your local area. Each area prefers to use a different dating site so use this chart to see which swinger site is popular for your local area.
Once you are on the right swinger site for your area, check out the calendar of upcoming events. Reach out to the party organizer and see if you can attend. They might want to chat with you to make sure you will be a good match for the type of sex party they are arranging. That is a good thing. You don’t want to be at a party that isn’t a good match for you.
What To Do Before Attending?
Different sex parties have different invitation policies. Some are pretty open, while others are invite-only. If you want to bring a friend, check-in with the host to be sure that’s okay and that they have enough space.
You’ll also want to check whether the invite type is gender-specific (like a ladies-only play party), sexuality-specific (like a bisexual orgy), or kink-specific (like a spanking party). If you are unclear, talk to the host about who is invited and what kind of play is anticipated.
Rules and Boundaries are Set Ahead of Time – Most parties have rules and boundaries set before the party. The host of the party will often announce these rules in the invite and at the beginning of the party, so be sure to pay attention. If boundaries aren’t firmly set, make sure you feel safe and comfortable with the participants. Remember that you can leave anytime if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
Check-in with the Host Before You Play – If you have a chance, try to converse with the host before the party, especially if you haven’t met. This helps you know what type of host they will be & whether they’ve hosted these parties in the past.
Ask About Themes, Fetishes, and Kinks – Before the party, find out if there will be a suggested theme, fetish play, or other expectations. Does the host expect BDSM, group sex, role-playing, anal play, or anything else? This can let you know whether the party is right for you. Swinger parties tend to be fairly straightforward without much kink or fetish involved.
Ask About Established Safe Words or Codes – Does the party have expected codes for consent? Some parties use the standard “Red, Yellow, and Green,” while others have a single safe word. It is also wise to have a secret codeword with your primary partner to ensure that you are both comfortable & happy.
Etiquette During Sex Parties
Be a Great Guest – A sex play party is still a party with a host working extra hard to ensure everything goes well. Show your appreciation and consideration by bringing a gift for the host, offering to bring drinks or snacks, supplying condoms or lube, or simply helping to clean up after the party. And, of course, follow the host’s lead. This is their party.
Start Sober and Consider Staying that Way – While there’s no harm in having a drink or two, things can get out of hand when alcohol or drugs are involved. Drinking too much or taking drugs can alter your ability to give clear, affirmative consent. Besides, you want to feel safe and comfortable, not numb or intoxicated, and you certainly want to remember all the fun you’re going to have. If you want to drink, ask the host if alcohol is allowed and drink in moderation. There’s so much more to enjoy.
Have an Open Mind – You’re here to have new experiences and interact with new people. So, don’t be too picky or stuck in your ways. Allow yourself to experience things you wouldn’t normally experience and do things in new ways. You just might discover a new favorite fetish, kink, or sex position. Be polite and respectful to others.
Dress Up – Orgies and sex parties are perfect for showing off your favorite inexpensive lingerie. You can even buy something new just for the party! When choosing what to wear, consider the message your attire might send. For example, wearing a collar and cuffs might say that you’re interested in bondage. Whatever you wear, make sure you’re comfortable in it and feel like your sexiest self. Also, find something simple to wear over it. Some parties start out fully clothed, while others expect you to strip down immediately. Be ready to do either one by wearing something easy to take off. Did you notice we said inexpensive lingerie? When so many people strip down, clothes can get thrown about and lost in a crevice somewhere. Don’t wear anything irreplaceable so you can relax & not worry if a random stocking or earring goes missing.
Leave the Cameras at Home – All sex, even group sex, comes with the expectation of a certain amount of privacy unless otherwise agreed upon. Attempting to take photos or videos at a sex party can be a surefire way to get kicked out and asked never to return. So, leave the video camera at home, put your phone away, and enjoy the party. If you need to check on the babysitter, go to the bathroom and close the door before pulling out your phone. Always show everyone that you respect their privacy.
Be Yourself – While sex parties can be a great time to try out different sides of yourself that people don’t usually see, your best bet is still to be yourself. Let your inner Dom or sex kitten out to play, but be careful to stay true to yourself. Don’t act like a fake porn star. You were invited as yourself, so make sure the other partygoers get to see you for who you are. Swinger parties are more about collaboration & not competition so relax.
Be Friendly, Kind, and Courteous – As with any group gathering, you should be kind, friendly, and courteous to those you interact with. Consider it a regular party, just in a more open-minded setting. Make conversation, get to know people, and have a good time. Be generous with your compliments. When you see someone being sexy, share some encouraging words.
Know When to Take Your Clothes Off – If you’re uncertain of when to take your clothes off, get undressed when others do. Some sex parties and orgies leave clothing at the door, allowing the participants to remain unclothed throughout the event. Other parties expect at least partial clothing in common areas of the house, with rooms dedicated to sex and other group play or they might stay clothed till a particular time when everyone strips down. When in doubt, ask the host.
Don’t Expect to Jump Right into Sex – Most orgies and sex parties start with chatting, drinks, and maybe snacks before getting into sexual activities. Don’t be disappointed if, at first, it seems like any other party. The fun part is coming. Get comfortable, relax, and enjoy the conversation. It will make the rest of the night flow more smoothly if you feel like you know the participants a little. Keep your cool and act like you have seen a naked body before.
Know Where it’s Okay to Have Sex – Get to know the building you’re in and the expectations for the space. Are certain rooms off-limits or specifically designated for sex? Is it okay to close the doors for privacy? Your host may offer a tour or give information when you arrive. If they don’t, just ask them what the expectations are for the building.
Respect the Space You’re In – Remember that your sex party is most likely in someone’s home, so be sure to respect it. Don’t expect all furniture to be okay to have sex on. Be careful with the furniture and the homeowner’s belongings. Put down towels or extra blankets before sex, and try not to do anything that will leave a stain. Treat it better than you would treat your own home if you want to be re-invited to the next sex party.
Follow the Open Door Policy – At most sex parties, it’s okay to go in if a door is open. If it is closed, stay out. For that matter, if you want a little privacy, close the door (as long as your host allows it). Remember, even if a door is open, that doesn’t mean you can touch anyone without asking.
Check out the other parts of this Sex Party Etiquette Mini Guide.