Maybe you’re part of a couple that’s interested in the swingers’ lifestyle, but you have different libidos, and you feel this might be a problem. Or maybe you’re a couple already involved in the lifestyle but have been having problems due to the same issue. Whatever brought you here, we can help you with some useful advice! Let’s take a look at what to do if your partner has a higher libido than yours –or vice versa-, and you’re both interested in exploring sex with other partners.
As always, communication is key
Communication is the key to everything in relationships. This is especially true when involved in the swingers’ lifestyle because misunderstandings and miscommunication can cause big damage and drama. Remember to always talk to your partner. If you realize your libido levels are not a match or are worried they might be changing, don’t be scared to broach the subject. Ignoring the subject can lead to jealousy issues and other problems.
It is important to remember that you’re a team. Therefore, it doesn’t mean that one of you is defective or there’s anything wrong with either one of you. There’s simply an issue to address, and it should be openly talked about. This is how you can come together and look for solutions that will make both of you feel comfortable. Just like you can’t read minds, your partner can’t read yours, no matter how long you’ve been together. So make some uninterrupted time to approach the subject and discuss it together as a loving team.
Different people communicate love differently
We may speak the same language, but things can become surprisingly complicated when it comes to love communication. Different people prefer different methods to communicate their love. People can feel loved and express their love in many different ways. Here are some ways people use to express love…
- Encouraging words
- Sharing quality time
- Gifts & presents
- Physical touch
- Kind acts
The goal is to determine which way love is communicated between you and your partner. If you have different love communication preferences, you can make an effort to do things in your partner’s style. If there’s a difference in libidos, then this might be a specially good time to apply these techniques. For example, if their preferred style is sharing quality time, make sure to dedicate time to them and make them feel special.
Making sure they feel extra special might increase their libido by itself. If they have the higher libido, be reminded of these different love languages can create new opportunities to channel that extra energy. The main goal of this exercise is to remind each other that even if you’re not in sync in all things, you’re still very much in love and in this together.
Get involved even if you’re not really feeling it
Now, this one is tricky, so please read carefully. We’re not saying that the partner with the lower libido should fake desire or pretend. We’re also not saying that they should do something they don’t want to do. Not at all! So what are we saying?
Well, as it happens, many people find that if they voluntarily get involved in sex even when they’re not feeling like it, their sex drive can start to increase. It sounds counterintuitive. But this advice has worked for many couples. It doesn’t work for everybody, so think twice before trying. If you’re the person with the lower libido, you can practice this with your partner. If you are the higher libido partner, remember to practice patience & understanding as your partner tries this. Hopefully, this tactic will help bring your libido levels closer in sync, and then you can think about being involved with other swingers.
Swinging can help sometimes
Now, we’re not saying swinging is the solution for a monogamous couple that has different libidos. Not at all! However, some couples have found that after they become involved in swinging, they find their partner’s or their own libido greatly increasing! If you both are interested in the lifestyle, have talked about it extensively, and want to see if it’s the right match for you, then this might be an option. Of course, we recommend you read as much as possible on the subject and get very informed before taking any steps.
There is no reason to jump into the deep end of the pool blindly. Swinging offers many different options, and you can start with less intimidating options like simply attending a swinger party and not swapping with other people or only doing soft swap swinging so there is no full sex happening. The exciting & welcoming atmosphere of the swinging lifestyle has helped many curious people explore their desires without fear of being judged. The swinging lifestyle empowers people to do as much or as little as they like and at their own pace. It can be a truly liberating experience unlike anything found in the everyday world that is often too quick to judge and vilify.
Don’t count on swinging for everything
Sometimes, couples forget that swinging doesn’t have to be the only time they have sex or even flirt with each other. Therefore, we invite you to tease your partner throughout the day. It might be anything from a simple naughty text message to brief but enticing touches at home. Remember, there are different love languages, so use that as inspiration to think of different ways to demonstrate your connection with your partner. Maybe sending naughty pictures or sexy voicemails works, or randomly whispering a romantic memory into their ear works best for you. Brush up on your swinger flirting skills and be creative as you communicate your love & attraction to your partner in a way they like to receive it.
Be careful that swinging doesn’t overtake your sex life. You should make sure to have your own private sex life outside of your swinging fun. This is where classics such as sex toys, lingerie, and doing things together like reading naughty stories or watching porn can help. This is a great way to keep your partner engaged and, hopefully, help keep both of your libido levels more closely matched.
Talk about it with your friends
One of the first things some experienced swingers recommend to newcomers into the lifestyle is finding themselves a swinger couple they can be friends with. There are many online swinger communities that you can use to connect with others and find support. You can also make personal connections at a swinger event. Why bother?
Many swingers can encounter confusing thoughts, questions about swinger etiquette, and even coming to peace with this new experience that doesn’t go with society’s standard teachings. Having a friendly swinger couple can help you a lot. They can also be very helpful when your libido doesn’t match that of your partner’s. Perhaps the same thing has happened to them, or they know someone with the same issue. Therefore, they might be able to provide a compassionate ear and their own personal experiences to remind you that you aren’t alone.
Watch and enjoy
If none of these things work for you, there’s another option. However, this is not something that will work for everyone, so it’ll depend entirely on you. If the partner with the lower libido doesn’t have a problem with their partner having sex with other partners, they can just watch or get the naughty details afterward. You can come to an agreement for separate play like a hot wife situation or a single man swinging. For people who enjoy voyeurism and enjoy seeing their partner doing sexual things with other partners, this can be an attractive alternative.
Once again, having good communication will be key. If you don’t feel comfortable with this arrangement, you should talk about it and explore other options.
Look for advice with an expert
If you are running out of ideas, consider talking to a swingers-friendly therapist or sexologist that might have other suggestions tailored to your specific needs.
There are multiple reasons why someone’s libido might decrease with time. These go from something as simple as getting bored of the same routine to stress, or hormonal changes, and age. Therefore, it’s important to determine if there’s a specific reason for this taking place. A therapist who is open-minded and has experience with swinger couples might be uniquely equipped to help you. Ask your friends in the community for a reference and take the next step. If everything goes well, you won’t regret it! A third opinion might be just what you need to see things from a different perspective.
After all, everyone is different, and the reasons behind any couple’s issues might be wide and varied. However, as long as you keep the channels of communication open and respect reigns, you’ll be able to find a solution that makes both of you happy.