Sometimes navigating all the different terms in the swinger community can feel like learning a new language. Never fear however because we’re going to make things a little bit easier by explaining the sometimes complicated dynamics of the Stag and Vixen couple.
You may know a Stag and Vixen couple as the typical hot wife swapping scenario but there is a reason for the distinction. Stags tend to be more dominant in nature and do not approve of being confused with cuckolds involved in hotwifing who tend to be submissive and enjoy humiliation as a kink.
Stags like to watch their Vixens aka their hot wife having sex with other men and get off on sharing her and watching. They are usually not involved in the sex. Because a Stag usually enjoys being in a dominant position, it is common for them to direct their partner or all participants during the sex.
Hotwife Type Confusion
If you are new to swinging and wife swapping and you come across a couple that is interested in hotwifing or stag/vixen fun, it is important to clarify what they want. These lifestyle terms are commonly confused. Are they looking for the husband to take a more submissive/passive role or are they looking for him to be a more dominant/directing role? Don’t assume anything. These labels and terms can be confusing, so when in doubt it is best to ask.
Frankly, many people are unaware that these types of couples exist and automatically assume the man enjoys some humiliation and being treating like a sub or typical cuckold. As you can imagine this is not going to go over well with a dominant male or a man that simply wants to be treated as an equal partner allowing his wife to enjoy a special solo treat.
Also do not think that the Vixen is there purely for your enjoyment. She is there first for herself, then for her husband, and then you.
Vixens can be strong-willed ladies that know exactly what they want. She is not your personal sex toy, so make sure to treat her properly unless you want the fun to end prematurely with a drama-filled situation.
Vixens unlike a hotwife in a cuckold scenario are more into showing off and being admired than sexually humiliating their partner in a cuckold situation. She likely views her husband as an alpha male and is showing off for him as much as she is for the Bull (single male swinger) or the couple she is sharing a pleasurable time with.
Remember, when in doubt to ask for her (& his) preference.
Plenty of Stag/Vixen Varieties
Like all kinks, they are rarely the same for everyone. There are many potential variations and each stag & vixen couple has their personal preference.
Sometimes couples like this enjoy more of a dom/sub relationship and the fantasy behind it is actually that the Vixen is being submissive to the Stag by having sex with other men and/or women on his command and for his gratification.
More common is the Stag simply enjoying the fact that his partner is admired. He likes that other men find her attractive and it fills him with pride. Her enjoying the attention makes him happy. The Stag can feel even boastful thinking about how hot my wife is and how great it is to have sex with her. Don’t you wish she was your hot wife? Meanwhile, the Vixen feels desired from all angles.
A lot of the time too the Stag is just comfortable in his masculinity and really enjoys being a voyeur and supporter of his partner’s pleasure. They both support each other and relish in the compersion that they feel.
Remember as far as sex with a Stag and Vixen couple goes unlike cuckold arrangements, you may have to take cues from the Stag as well. If he wants to put an end to something or signals for you to stop it is best to respect his wishes. Even if you are another dominant man in this situation do not go into an arrangement with a Stag and Vixen couple thinking because he is not involved in the sex that his boundaries are less important or can be ignored. Even if the Stag isn’t physically present, his wishes and boundaries should still be respected.
Like any non-monogamous sexual arrangement talking about boundaries beforehand is really important and will avoid any of these awkward encounters. Yes, some people think too much talking is a mood killer but then again so is offending a Stag and risk having the entire fun stopped. Everyone will have a much better time if they chat about what their role is first so you can all ensure the playing stays within the lines.
If you are considering becoming a Stag and Vixen couple yourself it is also up to you to communicate your boundaries. People are not mind readers and getting annoyed when they pick you up wrong is slightly hypocritical if you haven’t explained things. Remember that the Stag and Vixen dynamic is a bit newer concept than the old cuckold fantasy. Even if you appear to be the most dominant alpha male the world has ever known don’t automatically think people will know this.
This is also an arrangement that we encourage you to think twice before acting once. Make sure it’s something you both want to do for the right reasons. Talking about what is and isn’t OK doesn’t have to always have to be a stern serious conversation. Have an open and honest chat with your other half about what you like about a Stag and Vixen arrangement and even just this can be a way of getting excited for what’s to come.
There should be a strong level of trust between each other for a Stag and Vixen dynamic to work. Fantasizing and actually watching your partner have sex with someone else while you are on the sidelines can be completely different than standard swinging. This can be a really rewarding and sexually gratifying arrangement for all involved as long as you think it through first to ensure its right for your relationship.