Contrary to popular belief, swingers are not sex-crazed individuals constantly looking for sex with strangers. Since the sex revolution in the 1960s, people have become more engaged in swinging activities with their partners, with at least 2% of the US population engaging in these activities.
However, many misconceptions exist, such as fake symbols and universal rules about this lifestyle. We are here to debunk them. It is time to shed more light on the swinging experience, what it entails, and all you should know.
So, do you want to discover some truth about the swinging lifestyle? Snuggle up with your partner and read on.
Top Swinger Symbol Myths
People claim many symbols, like an upside-down pineapple, a black wedding band worn on the right hand, hot tubs, garden gear and home decorations, wristbands, anklets, and the swing, are telltale signs of hardcore swingers.
Of all the symbols mentioned above, only the swing, the black wedding band worn on the right hand, and the upside-down pineapple are quasi-reliable indicators. The other so-called markers are based on loose associations and faulty assumptions. Researchers and your friendly neighborhood swingers have debunked these claims.
Anklets: 1% true. Many romance novels claim an anklet signifies swingers or a white hotwife into black men, but those are 99% literary fantasies. Anklets are popular jewelry among women and even some men, regardless of their beliefs about monogamy. You can’t assume much about people sporting ankle jewelry. Most anklets are simply fashion accessories with no sexual implications. Even a particular type of anklet, like a Q inside a spade, could mean something sexual or that the person likes playing poker. With the growing popularity of poker, it is often the latter. It would be best if you didn’t assume anything.
Pineapples: 1% true. A long-running urban legend is that putting an upside-down pineapple in your cart at the grocery store is the way to signal you are a swinger. We have no idea why anyone was silly enough to think swingers are looking to have an orgy in a supermarket. The pineapple motif is popular because, for more than 200 years, it has been the international symbol of hospitality and welcoming guests (seafarers used to display a pineapple outside their house upon returning from a long voyage). So about 99% of the pineapple merchandise is bought by vanilla people & 1% by swingers that like to make fun of this silly urban legend.
Special Icon/Logo: 100% true but unrecognizable. We’re not talking about the Olympics here. There is no official symbol of swinging or million-dollar ad campaigns building brand awareness. Several companies cater to the swinging lifestyle and try to convince you to buy merchandise featuring their company logo. Still, almost no one recognizes these company logos, so they aren’t great tools to identify swingers. If you want to advertise you are a swinger, spending your money on something else, like making fun of the pineapple urban legend, is better.
Black Rings: 10% true but rarely effective. Some companies try to convince swingers to wear black rings to symbolize the swinging lifestyle. The first problem is that asexual people have been wearing black rings to symbolize the asexual lifestyle for longer. The second problem is that vanilla people who like black rings wear them as a typical fashion accessory. Fans of the goth-punk subculture, in particular, enjoy black jewelry. Even vanilla men are jumping on board and choosing it for their wedding ring because they like the look or can’t wear a metal ring at their workplace & choose to go with a black rubber ring. The third problem is that most swingers haven’t come across the marketing pitch of the companies trying to sell black rings. The fourth problem is that most swingers who have bought a special black bauble will only wear it when attending a swinger event when they already know everyone is a swinger. Most of the time you see a black ring outside of a swinger event; you can bet the wearer is vanilla with a flair for fashion or an asexual person doing the opposite of cruising for sex. This swinger symbol is basically useless.
Hot Tubs: 0% true. Hot tubs in the backyard are wrongly assumed to be indicative of swingers. The truth is that many people enjoy soaking their tired muscles in a hot tub, especially people with sore backs or circulation issues. Plenty of people living in cold places want to feel nice & warm during those chilly nights. And many people hold friendly gatherings in their buckets of bubbles without intending to take their guests to bed. Yes, some swingers own hot tubs, but many have dogs too. That doesn’t make a puppy the symbol of sexy times ahead. The majority of hot tub owners are not lifestyle community members because most people in the world are not swingers.
Star Decorations: 0% true. This urban legend is all legend with no reality. If you see a big five-point star (aka Amish Barn Star) on someone’s house, it means they like how the star looks or the story of how farmers would hang these hex signs on their barns for good fortune. Today, few homeowners even know the connection of the five-pointed star to barns, let alone the crazy idea it is a swinger symbol. Unfortunately, one jokester posted this false claim online & a tabloid journalist then published it without researching it. Hence, readers of tabloid journalism now think this ridiculously wrong urban legend is true.
Lawn & Gardens: 0% true. This false swinger symbol is perhaps the least accurate. Everyone likes a pretty yard. There is no specific plant or grass that identifies a swinger. Vanilla people like to decorate their gardens with a wide variety of stuff, including special rocks, garden gnomes, pineapples (remember, it is the international symbol of hospitality), and even fake pink flamingos. That doesn’t make them a swinger. It makes them typical homeowners who want to display their style. These silly lawn falsehoods can be traced to a tabloid journalist making false claims.
Swingers are very much like vanilla couples. Vanilla people don’t post a billboard on their front yards or wear a particular piece of jewelry when looking for someone to date. Don’t expect swingers to act differently. They value privacy & discretion as much as vanilla people.
Swinger Codewords
Maybe you didn’t see but heard something and wondered if it was a swinger codeword. Swingers do like to protect their privacy. So a swinger vocabulary has developed, and swingers might mention some of these terms even in mixed companies. Sometimes it is accidental. At other times, it is to hint that they are swingers to gauge reactions.
Most swingers don’t try to hit on vanilla people. In addition to not being on a mission to recruit people into non-monogamy, most swingers aren’t interested in chaperoning their friends through the jealousy & other emotional challenges that swinging can bring up. That is why there is a general swinger mantra: “Better to make friends out of swingers than to try to make swingers out of friends.”
Here is the most likely swinger lingo a vanilla person might overhear.
- Lifestyle: Typically, the swinging lifestyle, but there are many other lifestyles, including BDSM, polyamory, naturism/nudism, and different fetish lifestyles. There are also plenty of non-sexual lifestyles, like fitness lifestyles. Context is crucial for this term.
- Vanillas: Non-swingers. Ordinary people living ordinary lives. Many non-swingers also use this term to describe plain or dull encounters.
- Desire: Clothing-optional resorts in Cancun that are popular with swingers & nudists. About 1/3, maybe even up to 1/2, of guests are not swingers and want a romantic getaway without kids.
- Hedo: A resort in Jamaica popular with swingers & nudists because half of the property is nudist. Clothes are mandatory on the other half, so plenty of non-swingers also visit.
- Play: Any sexual interaction between swingers, from petting and kissing to intercourse. It can even be sex without swapping. Plenty of vanilla people will talk about their golf play, tennis play, or playing video games. Again, context is essential.
- SDS/Kasidie/SLS: These are the brand names of the more popular swinger dating sites. Most vanillas won’t recognize these brand names, but swingers will know the name of the popular swinger site in their local area.
For a complete rundown of swinger terminology, check out our swinger glossary.
Symbols could make it much easier to identify like-minded people with the same sexual interests as you, but getting a membership with a sex club or swinger club makes for better odds of meeting fellow swingers. Most swinger clubs that don’t have permanent gathering space organize events in hotels or rented homes and charge a small door fee and a yearly membership fee.
How To Find Real Swingers
You head to a dating site when you want to find a date. Well, the same thing applies to swingers. When you want to find a real swinger, you head to a swinger dating site. Each area favors a different one, so we created a swinger dating site chart to determine which is best for your local area. The paid sites tend to perform much better. As much as we hate those paywalls, we must admit they keep out a lot of troublemakers & picture collectors, which saves us all plenty of frustration.
These swinger sites also list local swinging clubs and a calendar of their upcoming parties. If you don’t enjoy online dating, you can join to look at the calendar of events and then head to your local swinger club. Swinger clubs are very welcoming & no-pressure environments. You don’t need to do anything besides be respectful of others. Swinger clubs have clear rules to ensure everyone’s safety.
Why Most Swinger Symbols Are Fake
Most swingers value their privacy, which usually means keeping a low profile and not publicly advertising their non-monogamy status. Even if easily identifiable swinger symbols were an actual thing, they would be self-defeating.
Remember that swingers aren’t sex-crazed animals constantly out on the prowl. Most swingers are selective about who they invite in for bonus sexy fun. That is why swingers generally aren’t looking for highly random hook-ups resulting from relying on secret symbols.
If you’re new to the swinging game and wonder what certain emojis (like the fruit cocktail stars pineapple and peaches) mean or how to navigate the swinging lifestyle, read ‘Swingers’ Little Helper. It is a 300-page guide to swinging that will answer all your questions about the non-monogamous lifestyle. Remember that false ideas and misconceptions of swingers are widespread. If you are confused about a particular symbol, it is wise not to jump to assumptions and avoid embarrassing situations.