Before we cover this topic, we need to remind our dear readers that you can’t trick or coerce your partner into swinging. Too many people are in unhappy relationships and are trying to make their partner into something they aren’t. You will have about the same success rate in “convincing” your unhappy partner to be a swinger, that reading this article has in turning you into a homosexual. You either are or are not homosexual, and your spouse is or is not a sex-positive person that might be attracted to the swinging lifestyle. You aren’t going to convince them to change who they are, and trying to trick someone is a super quick way to have a bad time.
The preceding paragraph was for men, who are interested in asking their partner to join the lifestyle, and for women, who may be discreetly looking this up. Gasp … what do we mean? Women? Yeah, that’s right, women can have a healthy sex drive too! Swinging wouldn’t be nearly as fun if that wasn’t true, so get over it. If you want to learn how to introduce the possibility of swinging to your sex-positive partner so you can openly communicate your preferences, keep reading.
So How to Start…
Hopefully you are in a great relationship. You love your partner and the sex is amazing. Maybe you watched a movie and saw a swinging scene and now you are wondering what it would be like. You’ve thought about it for some time and think it would be great for your relationship. So how do you start the swinging conversation with your partner? Carefully, very carefully!
Wait a minute. Didn’t our kindergarten teacher say that honesty is always the best policy? First of all – this isn’t kindergarten. Secondly, honesty can be good, but being too blunt isn’t helpful. When you bring up the swinging lifestyle to your partner, some confusing and worrisome thoughts might go through their mind. Here are some of the more common lifestyle landmines that you need to carefully disarm, or risk damaging your relationship.
Disarming Swinging Worries
Jealousy – When you love someone you greatly value them. It is very natural to feel jealous when you are asked to share what you love most in life. If they didn’t feel a little jealous about swinging, they might wonder just how much they truly cherish you as a partner. You want to reassure your partner that they are your #1 priority. You are doing this together and coming home together. Your swinging experience is temporary, but your relationship is everlasting.
Insecurity – Your partner may start to wonder why you want to play with others. Is it because they’re not good enough for you? Everybody has some insecurity about their body, sexual performance, and other things. You should remind your partner that they are perfect for you. Reassure them by more frequently complimenting them and verbalizing your feelings about their sexy body. Try giving them the cooking analogy from earlier. Having the best steak for dinner is awesome, but sometimes it’s nice to have a cheeseburger for dinner – just for the sake of variety. The cheeseburger isn’t better, but it’s enjoyable because it’s different. Plus, it reminds you to appreciate your amazing steak!
Seeking Greener Pastures – Another big concern your partner might have is that you are trying to use this to find a replacement for them. Swinging can be a safe way to protect your relationship while adding variety to your sex life. The swinging lifestyle is filled with other happy, long-term couples. They aren’t looking to run away with you, even if you were to beg them. Playing with other swinger couples helps protect you from singles or recently divorced people that may be looking to form an emotional attachment. The single people in the lifestyle are awesomely grounded and respectful of couples otherwise they would have been politely ostracized.
Fear – Even if you have been clear about how much you love and value your partner, and they feel confident in your relationship, there is still the fear of being outed as swingers or the health risks of having sex with others. Therefore, you should proceed slowly and work together. Between your two smart minds, you can make this happen in a safer manner that adds to your relationship without damaging it. You can take precautions, like agreeing on safety rules. For example, you may have a personal swinging rule that you won’t play within 50 miles of your home or office. You both can read up on safer sex practices to minimize your health risks. We’ll chat more about how to minimize your risks so you can maximize the excitement.
So, how do you communicate your true feelings with your loved one? You can watch some sexy swinger movies together. You can share your feelings about the movie afterwards, including which scenes turned you on the most. The next time you’re in the bedroom, see if your partner wants to roleplay some of the scenes they enjoyed from the movie. Watching porn together is common even among vanilla couples, and it’s a great way to become more in tune with each other’s desires and fantasies.
All this sexy communication might lead your partner to voice a strong opinion against swinging. Take that at face value, and treat it like a red light. Respect their opinion, and don’t push them. Trying to force your partner into accepting something they don’t like will hurt your relationship. Being patient and respecting your partner’s feelings will reward you in the long term. You might find their opinion about swinging evolves as you continue to explore your sexuality together. You can keep the discussion open without pressuring your partner, which may lead to them eventually embracing the lifestyle. It is common to hear swingers mention how they talked about the lifestyle for years before they finally felt confident enough to take the plunge. So relax and don’t rush. There will still be plenty of sexy swingers to welcome you once you and your partner are both comfortable enough to step inside.
If your partner hasn’t voiced any opinion on swinging, and doesn’t seem bothered by portrayals of the lifestyle in movies or on TV, you can send up a test balloon to feel your partner out. Perhaps you can tell them you’d like to roleplay a swinger fantasy. Even if your partner responds positively to the idea, and enjoys the roleplaying, that doesn’t mean they’re ready to enter the lifestyle. Don’t rush it.
Let your partner progress at their own pace. If you push the conversation too hard, too soon, you will move outside of their comfort zone and the result is rarely a happy one. Be smart and keep being patient. Is it so awful to keep having sex with only one person, when that person is the most amazing person you know? If your partner has an open mind, it’s likely that the hot fantasies will turn into a desire to take another step closer to swinging. Assuming everything is a green light, or at least neutral, then keep moving forward – inch by inch.
Before we entered the lifestyle, we liked to watch Swing on Playboy TV. Swing is a reality show featuring experienced, real-life swinging couples welcoming a newbie couple into the lifestyle. It takes place in a private mansion and features some delightful eye candy! The experienced couples coach the new couples to see if they’re ready to enter the lifestyle or if swinging might not be a good idea for their relationship.
It’s an awesome resource for newbies or curious vanilla couples. It does a good job demonstrating the sex-positive atmosphere you will encounter in the swinging lifestyle. It is super fun to watch, a bit educational, sexy as heck, and a great way to start a conversation with your partner. Even if you don’t decide to test the swinging waters, watching Swing is a good way to start a sexy, intimate evening with your loved one.
To watch this show you can sign up for Playboy TV or just Google “Playboy TV Swing Episode” to find it online. Ask your partner if they’d like to watch this interesting, sexy reality show you found. Create a comfortable, sensual atmosphere. Maybe open a bottle a wine, lay out some chocolates or snacks, and sensually cuddle together as you settle in to watch an episode. Take the time to compliment your partner during the show. Let your partner know they look better to you than the sexy people on the screen. The more you reassure your partner that you find them sexy, the more likely they are to view swinging in a positive light without fear or insecurity.
After the episode, keep cuddling or take your partner to bed. When there is a relaxed moment, ask your partner if they were ever curious about what a real swinger club looked like. Would they ever want to visit one, just to browse – without any swapping? Remember, it is usually best to take baby steps. You don’t want to spook your partner. Keep thinking of ways that you can demonstrate and communicate how much you love them and your relationship.
After all this communicating and testing the waters, you should have a good feeling about how your partner feels towards the lifestyle. Conversely, your partner will realize that you’re interested in swinging. This does not mean you or your partner is ready to start swinging. Chill out. There is no rush. There is always another sexy swinging party, so there is no reason to rush into something you and your partner aren’t ready or prepared to handle. You can also check out the many swinger podcasts which provide great entertainment and useful information for people new to the swinging lifestyle.
When the time is right and you both feel comfortable, you can test the water by trying out some online swinger sites, a strip club, meet & greet events, or a swinger club. We’ll go over these options in another article.
Remember to take this slow. Don’t rush it.
The very, very slow burn is often the more successful path.