Delving into the swinging lifestyle can be an incredible adventure, filled with exciting new experiences that unexpectedly enrich your relationship. Of course, it also presents challenges that can put your communication skills to the test. Seasoned swingers are often excellent communicators. They know how to communicate their wants, needs, and emotions while paying careful attention to their partner. This ensures that everyone involved in a situation is as comfortable as possible so that everyone has a good time. Swinging requires more communication than monogamous lifestyles because there are more people involved.
Becoming a part of the swinging community can be daunting, especially if your relationship began as a monogamous relationship. Opening your relationship to someone new, whether it’s a single person or another couple, offers unique challenges in communication. However, if you approach communication with honesty, empathy, and a desire to understand the other party, you can enjoy the best that swinging has to offer while enriching your relationship in the process.
Consent is Crucial
In swinging, there is nothing more crucial than consent. Whether it’s the first kiss with a new person or a hard swap with another couple, you need to have the other party’s emphatic and enthusiastic consent. Everyone involved must be completely comfortable and willing to participate. Any uncertainty at any point, from any party, is a definite no. For that matter, drunk or intoxicated consent is also a no. Many swinger parties and clubs don’t allow drugs or alcohol for that very reason. To be a willing participant, you must be clearheaded enough to give full consent. But don’t worry. It certainly won’t put a damper on your fun! Swinging is full of first-time moments, thrilling new experiences, and intimate moments that leave your heart pounding and your pulse racing!
Consent Can be Sexy
Some people might worry that asking for consent might ruin the mood or take them out of the moment, but that does not have to be the case. Asking for consent can be both romantic and incredibly sexy if you incorporate it into your seduction and play rather than treating it as something separate.
To make asking for consent sexy, think of some seductive ways to ask for the things you want and then use them when the moment is right.
Sexy Ways to Ask for Consent
- Your lips are just begging to be kissed. May I oblige them?
- There’s nothing I want more than to touch you right now. Would you like me to?
- Watching the two of you together is so hot. Would you like me to join you?
There are endless ways to ask for consent without ruining the mood. Think about how you talk in romantic and sexual situations. Then come up with ways to ask for consent so that you don’t have to think on your feet while you’re in the moment.
Consent Can Change
Feelings and emotions are constantly shifting and changing. This can cause someone to feel comfortable with something one minute and suddenly be uncomfortable the next. When involved in an activity requiring consent, always be mindful of the other person’s mood, tone, and body language. If they seem uncomfortable, ask them if they need to stop or take a step backward. Sometimes this will end the encounter, and that’s okay. You can always try again another time. Other times, they may just need a moment to get back in the mood. Either way, if someone says stop, you must always stop what you are doing immediately and give them the space they need.
Reluctance and Uncertainty
Some people may be anxious, nervous, or uncertain when trying something new or when being intimate with a new partner. If your partner seems reluctant, don’t pressure them to move forward. This can create an unpleasant experience. Instead, wait until they are genuinely ready and willing before doing anything. You can even ask them about their feelings to see how you can help.
Questions to Ask When Someone Seems Reluctant
- Should we take a step back for now?
- Is something making you feel uncomfortable?
- Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable with this situation?
- Do you need some time or space?
Communicating with Your Partner
Non-monogamy brings a variety of challenges, some of which can put a strain on your relationship if not handled properly. To successfully participate in the swinging lifestyle, you and your partner will need to become excellent at communicating. You must be able to share your wants, needs, desires, and uncertainties with each other while also being open to hearing and understanding your partner. You also have to be comfortable talking about uncomfortable emotions. Feelings of jealousy, neglect, and uncertainty can undermine even the most robust relationship if they aren’t dealt with. So, be ready to face the hard feelings along with the good ones.
Check-in with Your Partner Frequently
Make a point of checking in with your partner regularly. Ask them how they are feeling and what they need. I’m ready to listen and to work through any uncomfortable feelings together. Ask them if there is anything you can do to be a better partner. Make sure to put your ego aside and be willing to make adjustments where they are needed. Partner is feeling insecure, neglected, or jealous, be ready to put in the effort to help them feel more loved, accepted, wanted, and appreciated.
Of course, these check-ins aren’t only for negative emotions. They are also an opportunity to share desires and fantasies that can lead to new experiences. If your partner feels content with the relationship, ask them what new things they’d like to try or what experiences they are hoping to repeat. Then create a plan to help fulfill their needs and desires in a way that works for both of you.
Don’t forget to use these check-ins to share your own feelings, needs, and desires. Both of you deserve to feel happy and fulfilled, and your partner should be just as willing to listen to your needs as you are to listen to theirs.
Great Times to Check In
- Before and after sexual experiences with others
- Before meetups or sex parties
- Any time your partner seems uncertain or reluctant
- Before trying something new
- After meeting a potential sex partner or couple
Develop Your Own Signs, Signals, and Code Words
As a couple, you will often want to communicate privately while interacting with others. Because of this, you will want to have a set of signs, signals, or code words that you can use to convey your thoughts and emotions while in the presence of others. These can be as simple as a secret word or physical action you use to relay a message. Before meeting with other swingers, decide how you will communicate privately. Will you use body language or words? Will you step away to send a text message or just convey your thoughts with a unique touch?
Things You May Want Signals For
- This is great; let’s keep going.
- I really like this person.
- I don’t want to swing with this person/couple.
- I’m not feeling entirely comfortable.
- This is a little overwhelming.
- Are you okay with me doing this?
- Would you like to keep going?
Some Examples of Secret Signals
- Touching your ear or shoulder
- Rubbing your nose or chin
- Making eye contact and winking
- Ordering a specific drink
- Nodding or shaking your head
If you want to share something privately, don’t be afraid to step away for a moment. Most people in the swinging community understand that swinging involves a lot of complex emotions. Stepping away to check in with each other privately can also give the other couple a moment to check with each other as well. If all is good and everyone is comfortable, you can return to what you were doing, knowing that everyone is having a great time.
Communicating with Other Couples
When you invite another person or couple to join in your sexual activities, their needs must become important to you as well. Make sure to check in with the other couple just as you check in with your primary partner. These check-ins don’t have to spoil the mood or take you out of the moment. They can be as easy as asking, “are you comfortable with this,” or “is there anything you’d like to do differently?” These check-ins can keep everything running smoothly, resulting in a fun and satisfying experience for everyone involved.
When to Check-in With Your Sexual Partners
- Before trying something new
- Before or after a sexual experience
- Any time someone seems uncomfortable
- When you’d like to take things further
- When questioning whether they’d like a soft swap or full swap
Communication is Everything
Communication is everything from the first conversation about joining the swinging lifestyle to secret signals and post-sex chats. A couple which develops great communication skills and brings those skills when interacting with other couples and singles will have more fulfilling experiences and better relationships than a couple who doesn’t prioritize communication. So, talk to your partner, be ready to listen, and use the information you learn to be a better partner, both emotionally and sexually. With excellent communication, you can turn the challenges of the swinging lifestyle into opportunities for fun, great sex, better relationships, and a more fulfilling lifestyle.