There are some sexy trans friends in the swinger lifestyle. So, how can a swinger couple connect with these sexy peeps? How can you connect with trans swingers & not come across as a creep? Buckle up and get ready because we wrote this guide to help you have more fun times and make fewer awkward cringey mistakes.
Connect. Do Not Chase.
Don’t chase trans swinger friends. That is creepy and cringey. Look to build real connections. You can find trans swingers on swinger dating sites and at local swinger clubs. Be ready for a new trans friend to be extra worried compared to other swingers. You would be, too, if you were 400% more likely to be a victim of a violent crime. When haters aren’t attacking them, trans people are far too often fending off fetish chasers looking to use them. Kindness and understanding can go a long way to building connections with swingers generally and trans swingers specifically.
Respect The Person.
Trans swingers are not here to be your disposable sex toy. Remember your unicorn swinger manners and use them as a starting point for trans swinging. Treat trans swingers as equal teammates in the swinging lifestyle. Show them proper respect. Don’t chase a trans swinger to scratch a fetish kink or cross off something on your swinger bucket list. Trans people are constantly under attack in the vanilla world; we can make the lifestyle more welcoming. Be the best ally you can be.
Use Inclusive Words.
Being misgendered is so much more than just a turnoff. Don’t assume anything; ask how they like to be addressed. To avoid pitfalls like accidentally calling a masculine-identifying person “princess,” practice using more gender-inclusive terms for everyone. Instead of saying handsome or beautiful, you can say they are captivating or magnetic. Instead of using gendered terms like princess or king, try darling, sweetie, sugar, pet, or hottie. Of course, you should also use your damn words and ask them what terms they prefer to hear so your swinger dirty talk helps things & you don’t accidentally say something that derails it
Use Your Damn Words.
To be the best ally means using your damn words. Ask your new trans friend what they want & how they want it. Don’t assume! Ask them to describe a hot scenario – this helps start a conversation about what they like & don’t like. Again, don’t assume. Ask follow-up questions and clarify things. We want to be extra careful with consent, desires, comfort levels, and personal boundaries. Be honest about your inexperience and ask for suggestions on what to say or do to make them feel sexy. Asking them to give you a guided tour of their fantasy is a good way to kickstart fun.
Don’t Fixate On Genitalia.
What is or isn’t between their legs has likely been causing tremendous problems and stress for too long. Let’s not shine the spotlight on it too much. Spread your attention to their sexy vibe, naughty thoughts, and sexy looks. This is actually a good tip for all swinging encounters. Playtime is much hotter when we engage our partners on different levels and perspectives. Take your time to explore and enjoy all of their sexiness.
Don’t Assume All Access.
Different people prefer different things in bed. It doesn’t matter what might be between their legs or any other body part. You need to use your words to ask what they like. Some trans people may not want action on body parts that haven’t been transitioned, or they might be saving certain acts for only romantic connections. Don’t assume you can touch everything. Use your words and ask.
Don’t Add to the Hate.
Let’s be honest, the swinger lifestyle is more open-minded than the vanilla world. But not every swinger is open-minded. Some swingers harbor outright hate for trans people. More common are the inexperienced swingers who make thoughtless remarks that are hurtful. Don’t assume your trans swinger friend will feel as comfortable as a cis swinger. They likely have encountered some very painful remarks or nasty looks from “open-minded” swingers. If you see or hear negativity in a swinger club or party, be an ally. Call mistreatment out respectfully rather than be silent.
Don’t Freak Out. Apologize.
None of us are perfect. As you navigate so much new territory, you are going to make mistakes. Feelings are going to be accidentally hurt, and awkward situations will happen. Don’t worry. Apologize. Respect their feelings, and give them as much time and space as they need to feel comfortable. Usually, it is no big deal, and things can quickly get back on track after a sincere apology. If they are ok with it, then go with the flow and don’t turn a little situation into a major drama. A heartfelt apology can work wonders.
Celebrate Difference.
We’ve shared several tips for having swinger fun with our trans friends. Trans people have just as many unique preferences and perspectives as our cis and non-binary friends. So, don’t blindly follow these tips as if one size fits all. Remember how we said not to fetishize a trans person? Well, you might find a trans person who actually wants that kink. Good communication and understanding will help you customize these tips to better fit your unique situation.
Happy Swinging!
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