Having a threesome with your partner can be a wonderful experience. You get to see a new side of your partner and introduce some variety into your sex life. But choosing a single man for a threesome can be challenging. You may not know where to look or who to look for. You might not know which red flags to watch out for or what questions to ask. Luckily, we’re here to help! Let’s talk about how to find the right single man for your swinger’s threesome.
Why Choose a Single Man?
When choosing a man for your threesome, you have two main choices, single or partnered. While it may be easier to find a partnered person through your local swinger’s group or swinger’s website, sometimes single is the way to go. A single man is less likely to carry emotional baggage to the bedroom and is less likely to ask one of you to reciprocate and join a threesome with him and his partner. Single is just simpler.
Where to Find a Single Man for a Swinger’s Threesome
Searching for a single man for your threesome may seem overwhelming. Where do you look? Where do you even start? Don’t worry. It’s not as difficult as it sounds. You have many options when choosing where to find your single man.
Consider People You Know
It can help to know the person you are inviting to your bed. Distant friends, swinger friends, and people in your local swinger’s group can be good choices because you already know what they are like and whether you can trust them. If they’re part of one of your vanilla social circles, you can also ask mutual friends and acquaintances about them to get a better idea of whether they would make a good fit for your threesome.
However, you might want to choose someone you don’t know just because they aren’t involved in your life. If you’re going to see them again, you may have to worry about whether they can keep the threesome a secret or whether they’d share intimate details about your sex life with people you know.
Visit a Local Swinger’s Club or Sex Club
Sometimes you can meet the perfect man over drinks at a bar, especially if it’s a swinger’s bar or the bar of a sex club. Meeting someone in person can make it more difficult to vet them for your threesome, but there’s always a chance that you’ll find someone great who is into the idea of a threesome with you and your partner. And you get the benefit of seeing them in person and having a conversation with them before you even bring up the topic of a threesome.
Check Out Swinger’s Websites
If you don’t know anyone who would be a good fit or prefer someone you don’t know, consider searching for a partner on a swinger’s website or the site of your local swinger’s group. Some sites and apps have options for posting requests for hookups or profiles you can browse.
Hit the Dating Apps
Of course, dating apps are always an option. Some dating apps are designed specifically for swinging, making choosing a partner much easier. But you can also search on regular dating sites. Just make sure that you include that you are part of a couple in your bio and only talk to men who say they are interested in swinging.
Posting Your Threesome Request
You may decide that you want to post a request for your threesome and see what sort of responses you get. You can do this on a swinger site. Before posting, know that you’ll probably get quite a few unpleasant and useless responses. Some will be crude. Others will be men trying to get the woman in the couple to sleep with them alone. While these responses will be far from helpful, understand that they are, unfortunately, just a part of the search. Delete them and move on.
So, what should your post say?
Above all, just be yourself, but here are a few things you can include
- The type of threesome (MMF, MFM, MFF, etc.)
- The sexuality of the people involved
- Whether you’re looking for a straight, gay, or bisexual man
- Who will be the focus of the threesome
- Any fetishes or kinks you are into
- Any details about the type of man you are looking for
- Whether you want the man to host or plan to get a hotel
- How soon you’d like this threesome to happen
Aside from that, you can write your post any way you want. Let your personality and enthusiasm shine through. Then, get ready to start deciding on a man!
Browsing Accounts and Bios
Along with posting a request for a single man, you can also browse the bios of men on dating sites, swinger sites, and swinging apps. Keep an eye out for red flags (we’ll share a few below), look for men who pique your interest, and then send a quick message to see if they’re interested. If they are, you can move on to interviewing.
Interviewing Single Men for Your Threesome
Even if you want a casual encounter with a stranger, you’ll still want to have at least a short interview session. This can be as simple as just chatting with them for a few minutes or as in-depth as an in-person meeting. However you do it, here are a few things you should mention.
The Sexuality of You and Your Partner
The man will want to know who he will be interacting with sexually and what their sexuality is. If you’re looking to have an MMF threesome, is the male in your partnership bisexual? Will he want to interact sexually with the man, or will both men focus solely on the woman? If you’re looking for an FFM threesome, do both women want to interact with the man? These are things that the man should know so that he can decide whether he wants to move forward. At the very least, ensure the sexualities involved in the threesome will not be a problem for him.
The Type of Threesome You Want to Have
Who will be the main focus of the threesome, or will it be pretty balanced? Who will be interacting with the single man? How involved will he be in the threesome? Will the threesome include any kinks, fetishes, or role-playing?
What You’re Looking for in a Partner
Are you looking for a gentle, passionate lover or someone into BDSM-type sex? Do you want someone straight or bisexual? How much would you like to talk to the man before the threesome? Do you need someone who will flirt with you and talk to your partner, or would you like someone more anonymous?
Setting Up the Threesome
Once you’ve found the right man for the job, it’s time to start planning for your swinger’s threesome. Talk to your partner to decide when and where you want your threesome. Then talk to the single man you found and set things up with him. It’s almost time for the fun!
Set Boundaries and Rules for the Threesome
Before having your threesome, make sure that you set clear rules and boundaries for the single man to follow. This should include who he interacts with and how, who the focus should be, and what types of sex are allowed. Talk a little about kinks and fetishes, things like bondage, pain, and other BDSM options. If you and your partner have a kink or fetish, you’ll want to let the man know so that he can decide whether he’s interested in participating.
You should also cover the forms of protection you intend to use and whether drugs or alcohol are forbidden to keep everyone safe and on the same page.
Set Up the Threesome
Plan the date of the threesome sooner than later. Make sure that you don’t leave too much time between interviewing the person and having the actual threesome. Too big of a time window can lead to overthinking, letting doubt and uncertainty creep in. Set yourself up for swinging success by following through soon after you’ve made your selection.
Follow Through!
Once you’ve made plans for your threesome, it is essential to follow through. No, this doesn’t mean that you have to have sex with the man. However, if you’ve agreed to a threesome and set a date, it’s important to either show up or let them know why you won’t be attending. Whatever you do, don’t just flake out and disappear on him.
Yes, they might not be happy that you’re canceling, but if you’ve chosen someone great, they’ll surely understand. Tell him why you’ve decided not to attend (unless it’s too personal) and reassure him this isn’t a rejection. You don’t want to hurt their feelings.