It’s common for swingers to look out for other swingers. The main reason for this may be that swinging is still taboo in some social circles. Many swingers prefer to keep this part of their life separate from their “daily life” because they don’t know how their friends would react if they knew about it.
That’s why – whether you’re a seasoned swinger couple or newbies – you will probably be wondering, from time to time, about how to get more swinger friends.
Let’s tackle this topic from two perspectives. The first is finding “swinger mentors,” something many swinger newbies would probably like to have; the second is building a swinger network, where you can be friends both “in and out of the bedroom.”
Finding Swinger Mentors
Many couples are pretty nervous when they first join the swinging scene. That’s only natural. We live in a society where the only widely accepted relationship model is still a monogamous one. Even if you are now more open-minded, we can’t always quickly change the programming from our cultural backgrounds.
Wanting to find a more seasoned couple to ease you into this lifestyle is perfectly natural. After all, imagine if you were interested in trying Japanese food for the first time. You would probably ask a friend experienced with cuisine for advice.
The same applies to swinging. Whatever the reason you feel nervous, a more experienced couple probably felt the same way their first time. Hearing how they overcame their fears and insecurities can make your lifestyle journey easier. We all know this, which is why so many experienced swingers are happy to give back and help mentor new swinger couples.
Now, you may be wondering where you can find a swinger mentor. You probably want to keep your lifestyle a secret. So you can’t ask your vanilla friends. A good start is using websites like Swingers Help, our list of other swinger blogs, and our directory of swinger podcasts. You can use these resources as your virtual swinger mentor. This is an excellent way to learn the basics.
When you are ready for a real-life swinger mentor, you can reach out to swinger couples on the popular swinger site for your local area. Another option is making friends at your local swinger club (if you are lucky enough to have a local swinger club). Most swingers would happily share advice or insights if you ask them.
Connecting with Swinger Mentors
Okay, you’ve met a couple who are glad to help you on your journey in the swinger lifestyle. You’ve chatted, and you think there’s a good feeling. Hold up for a second.
First, remember that having swinger mentors does not mean sex is in the cards. When reaching out to them, you should clarify that you are looking for advice & insights. Don’t risk confusing them by being vague or misleading them with flirting. Use your words like an adult, and be clear about what you want.
If you are attracted to them, feel free to flirt and see if it may lead to pants-off fun. Don’t assume they will want it. They might be friendly and helpful, wanting a pants-on, no-play friendship. Be upfront & use your words, especially if you ever feel uncomfortable or unsure.
As you meet more & more swingers, you will see many interpretations and different approaches to the swinger lifestyle. Figure out what you like best & will work for your journey. You’ll probably discover these things can change & evolve as you proceed down your lifestyle path. As you become experienced, you will start growing your social swinger network.
Growing Swinger Friends
As you progress on your swinger journey, you will probably start collecting swinger friends. It is common for swingers to develop an inner circle of repeat play partners, quite literally friends with benefits. It might be your favorite couple or a larger group of friends. Some swingers even form closed circles with their friends with benefits to reduce STI risks.
It is easy to grow swinger friendships simply by being polite and generous. Say hello to strangers at swinger clubs, even if you feel nervous. Bringing something to share with others (like jello shots, tasty desserts, or a unique sex toy) is an excellent social lubricant, making it easier to build new connections. Participating in the forums on the swinger sites is another good way to discover new friends.
To be clear, you can be friends with other swingers and never play with them. As we mentioned earlier, use your words and always clearly communicate what you want. Set up your boundaries and expectations for the relationships. Do you want to be friends in and out of the bedroom? Do you want to be part of the other couple’s “daily life”? Do you want to be a no-play support network for each other? It is all okay if you communicate with others and respect their boundaries.
Communication is the key to a good relationship. Swinging is no different: open dialogue about your swinger’s emotions with the other couple contributes to a more joyful experience. Once you’ve set your ground rules, you’re good to go. Have a great relationship in or out of bed!
Conclusion
Building a swinger network may not initially be the most straightforward task, but you can do this. There are many online resources where you can find countless swingers who share your desire, and you won’t need to be afraid of their judgment.
Whether you seek new friends who share your sexual lifestyle or guidance through this experience, you’ll likely connect with someone who’s a suitable match.
Just keep in mind that communication will be the key to having successful relationships with other couples, whatever form they take!