Suggesting a new element to your sex life can be a delicate conversation even for people already part of the lifestyle. Hotwifing is a popular kink with swingers but figuring out how to start the initial conversation can be challenging for many women.
For anyone who doesn’t already know, a hotwife is a woman who has consensual sexual relationships outside of her marriage. Her husband can be part of the experience or she can experience it without him present. Hotwifing tends to focus on the couple celebrating women’s sexual freedom. Some husbands really enjoy being able to share his hot & sexy wife and show off the fact that his amazing wife is so desirable to other men.
Before you even begin to talk to your husband about hotwifing, you should ask yourself how your relationship is doing right now. Is your marriage in a good place or are you feeling dissatisfied? Has this always been a fantasy of yours or are you trying to fill a new void?
If you have only recently started thinking about hotwifing because you are unfulfilled (sexually or emotionally) in your marriage, we would suggest caution. It is usually wiser to work on improving your own relationship before introducing a new non-monogamy aspect to it.
If your husband is feeling insecure, he is very likely to shut down the conversation before it even begins. Ideally, you should go into discussions like this on good and happy terms with each other. You want to be able to provide honest reassurance that he is still your number one and that you won’t do anything that makes him uncomfortable. You should also be willing to give your word that he can withdraw his agreement at any time.
Take some time to also prepare and educate yourself before you bring up this big topic. Your husband is likely to have questions and it would be very helpful if you had some answers or options to share with him. Make sure you understand different ways hotwifing can work, what your preferences are, how to stay safe, steps to protect your privacy, and any other concern he might be likely to bring up.
Breaking The Ice
If your relationship and sex life are great but hotwifing has always been a kink you wanted to try, then it is more likely to work out positively than if you are raising the possibility during a difficult patch in your marriage. Generally, it is better to go slowly when bringing up a new idea like this. It can be shocking to some men even if they consider themselves very open sexually, and they might need a bit of time to become comfortable with it. When in doubt, take small steps and exercise an abundance of patience.
One way of introducing the conversation might be to watch a movie or porn together that features a hotwife storyline and then asking how he felt about it. Roleplaying hotwife scenarios in bed can be great for starting the conversation too. Another idea is to incorporate toys like dildos and vibrators into your sexual play and talk about how much you enjoy having the different sizes and shapes fill you up. You can also bring up the idea of a threesome with another man to ease into talking about your interest in other men. Let him know that this is something you have wanted to explore for a long time and that it does not mean that you are unhappy with him.
However, you bring up the topic, make sure you are tuned in to his reactions, and pay special attention to his body language. Don’t push for a quick agreement. Give him time to think it over on his own if needed. Relationships suffer when one partner feels pressured into doing something to please their spouse so make sure he knows that he won’t lose you by saying no. Some husbands can take months or even longer before they grow comfortable with the idea of hotwifing. Be patient and supportive. Pushing him past his comfort zone too quickly often backfires so be smart and wait.
Don’t be surprised if your husband asks for the same type of non-monogamous benefits as you are seeking. Ask yourself if you are prepared to let him have solo experiences with other women. If you are not, you should be prepared to explain why and how you think your request is a fair one, which will likely be a very difficult sell.
Consider His Experience
Remember that hotwifing should be pleasurable for both of you. This may mean a little compromise on your part as you adjust your fantasy to include his needs, but keep in mind the compromises he is making for you.
If hotwifing is not his thing but he is willing to go along with it for your pleasure, make sure that he does not feel like he is being forced in any way or this can fester a resentful ticking time bomb of future relationship drama. Remember that hotwifing is simply a bonus to your amazing shared relationship.
When possible, try to return the favor and be supportive when discussing his kinks and fetishes. If he hasn’t mentioned any, go ahead and ask him. See if he would be willing to share a bucket list of fantasies that you could then work on making reality as a way to thank him for his support of your fantasies.
Different Hotwifing Options
There are many different ways a lady can explore hotwifing and each way can be customized so it works best for you and your relationship.
What scenarios are you interested in trying? Will your husband be present while you have sex with other men? How is he involved? Is he also involved physically in the sex or is he just watching? Or are you going out alone to have sex with other men and then sharing details when you come home? Would your husband be interested or offended by adding a cuckolding element to it? Is he also partaking in similar situations while you stay home alone?
If you are unsure, you can start slow with many restrictions in place to safeguard your relationship and ensure this stays within both of your comfort zones. If your comfort zones grow, you can expand to more adventurous arrangements with fewer rules and boundaries. Remember to be a good teammate and respect your husband’s boundaries and preferences. Do not push the matter too much if it makes him uncomfortable.
Make sure you mutually navigate the different hotwifing options. Working together helps bring you closer together and reinforces the trust you share.
Besides choosing how you will enjoy the hotwife lifestyle, another big question is with whom will you will enjoy it.
A threesome can be a good way to ease into things and do it together. If you are going to have a Stag/Vixen threesome, you will probably want to select the other man together and all agree on what rules you use.
If you are going out on your own for solo hotwife fun, still make sure your husband is involved by discussing who is and isn’t off-limits. Depending on what you are both comfortable with, talk about whether you interact with someone who is a stranger or someone you already know. Both come with different sets of benefits and concerns.
If you go with a stranger, you need to be more cautious in your choice for general safety reasons. If you are meeting this person online, you need to make sure they are who they say they are and that your husband is comfortable with your choice. Make sure whoever you interact with knows the limits beforehand.
If you decide that you will be more comfortable exploring with someone you know, consider how close to your day-to-day life you want this person to be. Are you looking to play with an acquaintance or a friend? Do you trust the acquaintance to be discreet and protect your privacy? If they are close with your husband, consider if this might jeopardize their friendship or make things awkward. Regardless of how tight the relationship is, make sure whoever you choose is respectful of you and your lifestyle and understands the arrangement from a mature point of view.
It is also possible to find hot wife scenarios the old-fashioned way, but we don’t recommend picking up strangers in a bar. This is almost certainly not the best idea for your first time out on your own since it does not give you any chance to screen for compatibility or even confirm identity.
Whichever route you go down, safe sex and what methods you intend to use are important. Talk about what you will and won’t allow regarding condoms. Be honest about how things went when you go home to your husband if you have this type of arrangement.
Above all, if you have a husband who agrees to explore hotwifing with you show your appreciation to him for his help in fulfilling your fantasies and regularly nourish your core relationship. And don’t forget that old saying: happy hotwife, happy life!