One of the most exciting things about the Swinging Lifestyle is getting to know other swingers. You will have so many opportunities to meet new people in the Lifestyle. There are themed club events, designated swingers’ clubs, local swingers’ groups, sex parties, swingers’ conventions, and more.
Of course, finding a new playmate or couple to swing with requires actually talking to people. While it’s usually easy to talk with people you know, breaking the ice with other swingers can be difficult. It’s impossible to know what type of swinger someone is or whether they’d be interested in someone like you.
Connecting with Other Swingers
Meeting new swingers can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. If you come prepared with ways to break the ice, questions to ask, and an idea of how to move the conversation to sexier topics, connecting with other swingers can be easy, exciting, and fun!
While the advice below will give you a place to start, don’t forget that your biggest asset is your own personality. The people you meet want to meet the real you. So, don’t overthink it too much and do what feels comfortable to you. If you show up with confidence, enthusiasm, and a willingness to really get to know people, you’ll be sure to do great.
All Swingers Are Different
In swinging, just as in the dating world, you’re going to meet a lot of people with very different intentions, hopes, and desires.
Some people will just be looking for a hookup. They’ll be interested in sex, but probably won’t want to get to know their partners very well. Others will want to become friends with the people they swing with. They might want to connect with their partners outside of the bedroom. They may want to connect mentally, emotionally, or even romantically.
Before you start getting to know other swingers, it’s a good idea to stop and think about what you want. Do you want friends, hookups, or romantic polyamory encounters? How much of your life are you willing to share? These questions will help you when deciding what to ask the people you meet and even how you want to break the ice with other swingers.
Approaching Other Swingers
When approaching others in the lifestyle, a direct approach is usually best. Just walk up to them, smile, and say hi. Be friendly, but be sure to let your personality shine through. Who do you want to be in the swinging community? Will you be sultry, sexy, shy, kinky, or a little bit vanilla? There is no wrong answer. You are who you are, and your approach won’t work for everyone, but it will be just right for the right people.
Introducing yourself can be done in a variety of ways. You’ll let them know who you are, but you can also share something about yourself with that initial introduction.
If you’re new to swinging, you can share that you’re new and looking to meet new people. If you’ve been in the lifestyle a while, you can ask if they’re new to swinging or new to the area. If you’ve frequented an establishment for a while, you can open with “hey, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here. Is this your first time here?”
If you’re part of a couple, you can introduce yourselves together, mentioning that you enjoy meeting other couples, or singles if that’s what you’re looking for. Some couples choose to have the woman approach first, making their introductions a little less intimidating, especially when approaching singles.
Offer a Compliment
People love to receive compliments, making them a sure-fire way to get people talking. Just make sure to compliment them on something they’ve chosen for themselves. Save body compliments for when you know them a little better.
A few things you can compliment people on include:
- Other Accessories
Be sure to keep your compliments direct, specific, and sincere. Luckily, this shouldn’t be too difficult. If someone seems interesting to you, you can be sure there’s a compliment you can give them.
Consider an Activity
While you want to have a conversation with the people you meet, you may not want to dive into deep conversation right away. One way to keep things light is to find an activity and invite them to join you. The easiest is usually to order a drink, but you can also ask them to dance or invite them to dance, play pool, or engage in another activity being offered.
If you are new at a sex club or a party where sexual activity is encouraged, you can mention that you plan to have a walk around and see what’s happening, then invite them to join you.
Start Conversations Off with Questions
Once you’re ready to start up a conversation, you’ll want to have a collection of questions on hand to get to know each other. Try not to feel nervous about asking questions, most people are much more interested in talking about themselves than they are interested in listening to others. This makes asking questions a great way to get people talking.
Questions to Ask Other Swingers
Ask Casual Questions
These are simple questions that don’t get too personal, making them a great place to start.
- What are you drinking?
- Where are you from?
- How are you doing?
Ask About the Establishment
Talking about the location or establishment is another way to ease into conversation. Whether it’s your first time visiting or you’re a regular, you can ask people their opinions on the place you’re at. You can also include your own opinion in the question to make it seem more natural.
- What do you think of this place?
- Is this your first time here?
- Are you a regular here?
- How long have you been coming here?
Ask About Other Establishments
Inquiring about other establishments can break the ice while also helping you learn about other places you can visit, both in person and online. If you already know of a few, you can mention those as well.
- Do you know any other great places for swingers?
- Do you know of any fun local swingers groups?
- Are you on any good websites, forums, or apps?
Questions for Private Events and Parties
If you’re at a private event, you can ask about the party, the host, and the other guests.
- How long have you known the host?
- Do you know anyone here?
- What do you think of this event?
- Have you had a look around yet?
- We just got here. Did we miss anything interesting?
Questions About the Swinging Lifestyle
You can always talk about the one thing you know you have in common. It’s best to keep your questions light at first. As you get to know them and their comfort level, you can ask more in-depth questions. These questions can give you an idea of how experienced they are with swinging and what direction you should take the conversation.
- How long have you been in the Lifestyle?
- How did you get into the Lifestyle?
- Which one of you was interested in swinging first?
- How did you get started in the Lifestyle?
- Is this your first time at an event like this?
Topics to Avoid
Just as it’s important to know what to talk about, it’s also important to know what topics you might want to avoid. Most people keep their regular, or vanilla lives separate from their swinging lifestyle, so they may not be willing to give too many details about their lives. There are also topics that might take things off track, which can be problematic, especially if you’re there to find a new sex partner.
Avoid Talking About:
Kids – talking about kids with someone you’re hoping to be intimate with can get awkward and even a little weird. Besides, you want them to see you as someone sexy and fun. Talking about your kids doesn’t help with that.
Work – Talking about work can get boring and make it difficult to switch to sexier topics. Also, some swingers may not feel comfortable sharing details about their place of work.
Pets – While pets can be an excellent conversation starter in some cases, you don’t want to get distracted scrolling through photos of your fur babies when you could be learning whether your newfound friend might make a great playmate.
Politics and Religion – It’s best not to talk about politics or religion when you first meet someone, especially if you’re just looking to swing. Both topics can get divisive if you don’t share similar beliefs.
These aren’t hard and fast rules, of course. Maybe you’re both parents looking to swing with another couple who understands your day-to-day struggles. Maybe cooing over your adorable pets could lead to laughing and flirting. You honestly never know. The trick is to take things as they come, making decisions based on how the conversation flows and what their interests are.
Once Things Get Rolling
So, you’ve broken the ice and started talking. Everything is going great. You’re having a good time, they seem interested, and the vibes feel right.
Here are a few tips to keep things on track:
Try not to dominate the conversation. Don’t talk about yourself too much, listen at least as much as you talk, and avoid interrupting them. It’s great to share things about yourself, but you want to make sure the other person or people get to share things as well.
Keep asking questions. Ask questions whenever there is a lull in the conversation or to keep the flow of conversation on track. If they share an interest or fact about themselves, follow up with a question.
Pay attention to their responses and how interested they seem in the conversation. Are their eyes wandering? Do they seem bored? Are they asking questions? If they don’t seem as into you as you are to them, you may want to cut your losses and find someone else to talk to.
How to Start Talking About Sex
If you’re feeling a little bolder, you can ask them about their experiences in the lifestyle and their expectations for swinging.
A Few Lifestyle Related Questions
- What are you looking for here?
- Do you prefer to really get to know the people you play with or do you keep things more casual?
- What is the best/worst experience you’ve had in the lifestyle?
- What have you learned about each other or yourselves since you entered the lifestyle?
- What’s the most interesting place you’ve had sex?
Know When to Walk Away
You won’t hit it off perfectly with everyone you talk to. Sometimes, you’ll need to move on and find someone else to talk to.
Walk Away If:
- They don’t seem interested
- Your partner seems disinterested in them
- You are flirting and they aren’t flirting back
- They don’t seem like a good fit for you
- They’re the only person or couple you’ve met and you’d like to explore other options
- You’ve exchanged contact info and would like to meet a few more people before you leave
Don’t Forget About Lifestyle Friendships
Not every match will lead to sexual encounters and that’s okay! It’s important to make platonic friends within the lifestyle, just as it’s important to find people to swing with. Your swinger friends will be your connection to the local swingers community. You can laugh together, share stories about your experiences in the lifestyle, and talk about how your regular life meshes or interferes with your swinging. Swinger friends also offer a variety of benefits.
When you become friends with other swingers:
- You can talk with them about things that your more vanilla friends won’t understand
- They can let you know about upcoming parties and events
- They can introduce you to new people
- You can enjoy being around people who are like yourself
Get Out There and Have Fun!
Now that you know how to break the ice with the other swingers and what to do once you get the conversation rolling, you can start attending local swingers’ events with newfound confidence. So, think about the sort of relationships you want to create, and then start putting yourself out there. There are so many fun, interesting swingers to meet and plenty of fun to be had by all. Now get out there and have fun!