The models in magazines rarely look like those of us who live in the real world without the benefit of massive airbrushing, slimming camera angles, and Instagram filters. Even the plus-size models seem to have perfect hourglass figures and no visible stretch marks or cellulite. This is not normal. But it is normal to compare ourselves to the images of “perfection” that we see in ads, movies, and television. Often, those comparisons leave us feeling insecure and questioning our attractiveness.
We are firm believers that the two sexiest things a woman can wear are confidence and a smile so we’ve put together a few tips aimed at feeling good about yourself and putting a smile on your already beautiful face.
Know that Most People Struggle with Weight
If you are one of the millions of people who struggle with their weight, you are far from alone. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that more than 70% of the US population is overweight, including around 40% who live with obesity. Worldwide, about 40% of adults are overweight, according to the World Health Organization. So when we say those magazine images aren’t the norm, the data totally backs us up.
Since the swinging population looks an awful lot like the population in general, you can expect that a lot of the people you meet at swinging events have some insecurities around their body weight, size, or shape. The fact is that attractiveness comes in all kinds of physical forms. Dress size doesn’t measure attractiveness. Being open and interested in other people is what most people find alluring. Don’t let a few extra pounds keep you at home or hiding in a corner.
Embrace a Healthy Sexual Life
Every body deserves great sex, but at least one recent study has shown that being overweight might be linked to an unhealthy sexual life. Plus-size women sometimes get so caught up in anxiety about other people finding them attractive that they forget to think about what they find attractive about others. This can lead to potentially harmful behaviors ranging from avoiding all potential sexual activity to feeling grateful for demeaning sexual attention.
Plus-size women who have a negative body image of themselves and harmful weight control behavior tend to be more likely to participate in high-risk sexual behaviors such as not using contraception, using unreliable contraception, or having sex while intoxicated. Being overweight is not itself directly associated with bad sex, but larger women who feel less likely to attract a partner might take more risks to find one.
Having had negative experiences from these risky sexual behaviors is what can lead women to avoid sexual activity. They might not enjoy those kinds of experiences, have a negative attitude about sex, or perceive themselves or others as bad sexual partners. This is why recognizing your value and giving yourself the chance to live a healthy sex life is a good way to feel better about yourself. Make sure you go to a respectable club, don’t take any drugs, limit your alcohol if you decide to drink, choose a suitable partner that you are really interested in, and always use condoms.
Comparing Yourself to Better Beauty Standards
Many overweight women do not feel as confident as others because our culture pushes us to do so. A study on Morality and Health: News Media Constructions of Overweight and Eating Disorders shows that being thin is often associated with high social status and moral virtue. On the opposite, being overweight is associated with low status, gluttony, and sloth. This encourages negative stereotypes against plus-size people that are often far from being true. But decades ago, the roles were switched, and negative things were actually said about thin people. That proves that society is the problem, not women’s bodies.
If you look at paintings from the past centuries, you’ll see that having curves was actually very desirable at that time. There are now very popular body positives brands like Savage X Fenty by Rihanna, Fashion Nova Curves, Aerie, ModCloth, and Knotty Knickers so you can also look good in your swinger outfits no matter your size. You can also follow diverse influencers like @curvynyome, @mikzazon, @bodyposipanda, @tess.daly, and @effyourbeautystandards on Instagram. Once you stop looking at the one-sized beauty standard and give yourself the chance to see the beauty of body diversity, you’ll know that you have what it takes to be a model, too!
Being in Control of the Situation
A study on Differences in Emerging-Adult Women’s Body Image and Sexuality Outcomes According to BMI and Dating Status reported that a woman’s weight is connected to her relationships… because it is linked to her beliefs about her own value as a romantic and sexual partner. Overweight women are often more self-conscious, avoidant, and less satisfied compared to average weight women. And non-dating women, in general, are also more self-conscious and less satisfied. But women of different weights are pretty similar when it comes to sexuality outcomes. And if you are a swinger, you probably already have a partner anyway, so more positive aspects!
Your value does not depend on how your partner sees you. It is based on how you see yourself. By understanding that your own perception is the problem, you also give yourself the chance to be the solution. The way you see yourself is the most important thing that affects your sexual well-being. And if you can’t love yourself, why would anyone else? This is why confidence is key to finding a partner who will want to be with you as much as you want to be yourself. And if you don’t believe it yet, fake it until you make it, and you’ll see that this kind of energy is totally worth it.
After all, plus-size people are very appreciated at swingers events. Diversity and confidence are the two things that make someone stand out from a crowd. And you want to be the one who outshines the others when there are so many people to choose from. If you believe you are the most beautiful person at the swingers event, others will believe it, too.