Have you and your partner been considering swinging? You may be surprised to find out that approximately 13 million people in the United States alone have made the jump themselves into exploring non-monogamy and swinging.
Are you hesitant to explore the world yourself because of some weird rumor about swingers that you have heard? We are here today to shine a light on the swinging reality and expel these common misconceptions!
All swingers are kinky
Many people who are not swingers themselves believe swinging is about having sex any time, anywhere, with anyone, and in a kinky manner. The reality is that the act of swinging and the people that partake in it can vary from relationship to relationship. At its foundation, swinging is a non-monogamous lifestyle where partners share themselves with another couple or couples. Swingers are regular people from a variety of backgrounds who enjoy swinging for a variety of reasons. There are many, many swingers out there who aren’t into kink or seeking to fulfill a fetish.
One of the main reasons people pursue swinging is simply to connect and build relationships with other regular people who also enjoy sex. This is not to say that swingers cannot be kinky as many are. The important distinction to make is that just like some people in monogamous relationships can be kinky and have fetishes, so can some people in non-monogamous relationships such as swinging.
If you have certain kinks or fetishes such as BDSM or group play, you should communicate that with potential partners to see if your desires match up. If you and your partner are instead simply looking to meet another couple for dinner and then have a separate night away, many swingers are also looking for that same thing! The most important thing is open communication between you, your partner, and any potential play partners.
Swinging is cheating
Another common misconception that people have about swinging is that they think it is cheating. This belief exists because most people in our society are only used to monogamous relationships where two people are committed both emotionally and sexually only to each other.
Although monogamy is the most common type of committed relationship, it is not the only valid one. Cheating is about breaking a partner’s trust and engaging in relationships that have not been agreed upon. Couples who establish and abide by a set of rules regarding their sexual activity are not committing adultery by swinging, being polyamorous, or having various forms of open relationships.
As we mentioned earlier, open communication is extremely important in any type of relationship. If you are interested in pursuing swinging, you should first discuss it with your partner. It is up to the two of you to determine what behavior is acceptable in your relationship and what is not.
Some swinging couples set boundaries such as only playing with others when they are in the same room, not sleeping with the same couple too often, or playing separately only when their partner approves of the individual they are interested in. Some couples set boundaries on particular sex acts. What boundaries you set (if any) is completely up to you and your partner. As long as you both respect the rules you both agreed to follow and communicate with each other honestly, you can have a successful, healthy non-monogamous relationship.
Swingers are unhappy in their relationships
Many people hesitate to bring up the idea of swinging to their partners because they don’t want their partner to think they are unhappy or unsatisfied. We believe most swingers have healthier relationships as they are constantly communicating with each other and taking into consideration their partner’s needs.
One of the many reasons couples want to pursue swinging is because they want to pursue other sexual desires or fantasies. As the couple still love each other and want to stay together, they will pursue swinging as an avenue to explore their sexuality without cheating or keeping secrets from one another.
Similarly, many people are just not meant for monogamy and being with only one person for the rest of their life. There is nothing wrong with that and it does not mean that you love your partner any less. Pursing swinging is a great way to stay with your partner and ensure that both of your needs are met, both sexually and emotionally. Many swingers have even said that swinging strengthened their bond as a couple and helped them grow closer together.
Swingers will sleep with anyone
Many people believe that swinging is all about sex, so swingers must sleep with anyone that comes their way. This is an incredibly misguided statement. Swingers, like everyone else in the world, have preferences, standards, and rules that guide their sexual lives. The attraction is about a lot more than availability. Most swinging couples look for a strong four-way connection between themselves, their partners, and potential play partners. Swingers don’t want drama in their relationship so they are quick to reject anyone that isn’t a good match.
Many people’s idea of swinging is a key club or key party. During the 50s and 60s, a key club was a party where couples would put their key into a bowl, then pick up another key. Whoever’s key they chose would be the couple they would sleep with that night. Although these types of parties may still exist, it is not common these days and is certainly not how most swingers find their sexual play partners.
Although some swingers may pursue other couples in a group or party setting, swinging today is, in many ways, like dating. You and your partner may meet multiple couples before you both find someone attractive and have a connection with them. If all parties involved feel the same connection, they may then decide to pursue a sexual relationship. This goes to show that swingers will not just sleep with anyone.
All swingers are bisexual
Another big misconception with swinging is that all swingers are bisexual. Swinger is not synonymous with bisexuality. Many, many people who have been active in the lifestyle for years do not engage in same-sex play.
Sexuality tends to be fluid and most people are at least a little curious. There have been many studies that have shown that many people have a gray area in their sexuality. Swinging allows a way to potentially explore that curiosity for those who are interested. Others may choose to leave that curiosity unexplored, and others just aren’t all that curious.
As we’ve previously mentioned, swinging can vary a lot. Swinging can be between only men, only women, or a mix of both. The important thing to note here is that you don’t need to be bisexual to be a swinger. You are in full control of how much or how little you do, and with whom. You get to decide what you’re comfortable with.
Swingers are all older
Our last misconception is that all swingers are older. One reason this idea is so common is that swinging started to gain popularity in the 1950s, so many of the original swingers are much older now. But, as society is slowly becoming more comfortable with talking about sex, younger people have started to swing as well. One of the fastest-growing swinging groups is 20 to 30-year-olds. These younger swingers enjoy the flexibility to craft their relationships on their terms.
Swinging is attracting people from all walks of life as it can be a very positive and welcoming community. If you want to pursue swinging with your partner (or by yourself if you are single), go for it! Just remember that open communication and respect for boundaries are key. Happy swinging!