You might be surprised to find out that many swingers are faithful and religious people. We all have our own personal positions and opinions on religion. So how can faithful & religious people balance out their sexy swinging with their religious obligations?
First let’s remember that a big, underlying theme in the lifestyle is not judging others. We are all different people and what works for one person might not work for another. Swingers tend to follow “a live and let live” philosophy style. You don’t need to worry about other swingers, just worry about your own religious situation.
There are some fringe religious groups and houses of worship that embrace consensual non-monogamy. However, most religious leaders probably wouldn’t endorse this sexual lifestyle, and would likely advise against it.
In 2014, Pew Research Center conducted a survey of more than 35,000 people from all 50 states and found that about 71% of Americans identified as Christian, about 6% followed a non-Christian faith, and roughly 23% were unaffiliated with any religion . You’ll find a similar breakdown in the lifestyle. Of course, the percentages will more likely reflect the religious breakdown of your own local region. Swingers are not just “scary atheist heathens”. There are many friendly Christian, Jewish and Muslim swingers.
It might sound hypocritical to be religious and engaging in consensual non-monogamy. If you think about it, swingers are honest, or as honest as society allows them to be. Considering up to 60% of marriages are touched by nonconsensual infidelity, we kind of think those other people are the hypocrites that should be more worried about how they will be judged than judging swingers. It would probably be better if everyone focused more effort on respecting others and less effort judging adults who engage in consensual fun.
Let’s focus first on Christianity & swinging since it was the biggest religious group in that Pew research. Christians love to follow the example made by Jesus. We are going to take a moment and remind everyone that if they follow the WWJD principle aka “What Would Jesus Do?” then tossing tables, whipping people and hanging out with prostitutes is a very real possibility. We are taking that a tiny bit out of context but Jesus was definitely all about loving & respecting each other and that fits in very well with general swinging etiquette.
One of the most common conflicts that Christian swingers encounter is the fact that the bible says adultery is a sin. However, adultery is not clearly defined in the bible, so you need to reflect on your personal definition of adultery. Is adultery simply looking at other sexy people? Doubtful. Is adultery when you kiss someone besides your significant other? Maybe, maybe not. Is adultery having sex with someone other than your one spouse? Then how do you explain all the people in the bible with multiple wives?
Maybe adultery is when you are lying and cheating on your spouse? In that case, swinging is not adultery because you are not cheating or lying. You are exploring your sexuality together in an honest and upfront manner. You are not divorcing or leaving your spouse. You are still faithful, loyal and honest to your partner who is sharing this swinging journey along your side. Many Christian leaders would disagree and say that any sexual contact outside of your marriage bed is adultery. So if you are a Christian you need to decide for yourself. Many of the Christian swingers that we have chatted with try to live life based on loving principles and not the exact letter of the law which can be taken out of context and distorted from its original purpose.
The bible has many rules that you probably break on a regular basis. For example, in the bible Timothy 2:9 says women can’t have elaborate hairstyles or wear gold, pearls or expensive clothes. How about Leviticus 11:4, which says you can’t eat any pork – including bacon. Proverbs 23:2 says you need to slit your throat with a knife if you are given to gluttony, which would make for a very big mess after your family’s next Thanksgiving dinner. Let’s not forget Corinthians 14:34, which says women should remain silent in the churches and must always be in submission. There are other parts of the bible that explain it is ok to rape a woman if you are married to her, or kill someone by stoning to death if they worship a false god. Yikes!
Let’s remember that the bible has been translated and reinterpreted countless times over 2000 years. These parts of the bible were also taken a little out of context. We don’t want you to think we are attacking the bible. The point we are trying to make is that the bible is not an easy document to blindly follow. It is often best for each of us to reflect on the underlying principles and how we can best apply them to our lives in the spirit that God intended them.
If you believe in a loving God that wants you to honor your spouse and share your life together, there is no conflict with the swinging lifestyle. The bible does say to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Swinging can help improve your communication and enrich your relationship by introducing exciting and fun experiences that you can enjoy together.
We have many friends who go out swinging on Saturday night and get to church every Sunday morning. Some of them are very devout and even religious education teachers. Honestly, we have no idea how these people find the energy to wake up for church, let alone be in a positive spirit to share their religious teachings with kids so early in the morning. It would take a true miracle for us to have the energy to do that.
There are also many Jewish people in the swinging lifestyle. If it has been a while since you were in Hebrew School, let’s recap the Jewish position on sex: it’s a good thing – yay! Sex is not something that should be viewed as shameful or obscene. It is a natural human instinct like eating and sleeping, and should be shared between husband and wife for their pleasure. Generally, sex is seen as the Jewish women’s right and not the man’s. One rabbi even thinks it is mandatory for men to make the lady orgasm before he can have pleasure.
Many rabbis are going to say that sex should be exclusively limited between husband and wife. Of course, many different rabbis will have many different views. If you are Jewish, you need to decide how kosher you want to be. Are you willing to share the mitzvah of sex with a gentile? Is sex forbidden if you have a same room full swap, because you are still sharing it with your spouse? Is soft swap still allowed because you aren’t having full penetration? We aren’t going to judge you. There are many Jewish people that have made their own personal decisions to explore the swinging lifestyle and we support you to decide for yourself.
We focused on Christianity and Judaism, but there are many other religious people that like to swing. There are sexy Mormons, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus and many other religions that you will encounter in the swinging world. It doesn’t really matter what religion you follow. You should think about how strictly you want to follow the words of your spiritual book as opposed to following the spirit of those words. Ultimately, it is up to you to pray and reflect on your personal religious beliefs to determine if they conflict with the principles of swinging.
There are many different levels of swinging. So you might find that some levels of soft swap are more acceptable with your religious beliefs. You might also feel that all levels of swinging, including full swap, are ok since you are honest and together with your spouse. We aren’t here to decide for you. This is something that you should think about and talk about together so you can feel comfortable with whatever decision you make. The world is not a simple place and we aren’t going to judge anyone for deciding how they want to live their life when they aren’t harming anyone else.