Nothing in life is perfect & that includes the swinger lifestyle. Scammers love to exploit people who are excited about possible sexy opportunities. To protect yourself, read on for some common scams and the red flags that should warn you to proceed cautiously.
Fake Swinger Sites
There are countless swinger dating sites claiming to be the best of the best. Most of them are real but useless, and some are outright frauds. Protect yourself by using our chart of popular dating sites. That will ensure you use the best swinger sites for your local area. Beware of free swinger sites as they are flooded with scammy profiles trying to rip you off. A legit swinger site almost always provides a free trial. If there is no free trial, consider that a strong warning. Also, look at how they are marketing the site. Is it a dedicated swinger site, or is it a free for all targeting swingers, BDSM, foot fetishes, & everything else? The sites targeting everything are usually scams trying to maximize their potential pool of victims, so be on guard.
Fake Swinger Parties
Trying to find a legit swinger party isn’t easy. Honestly, how are you supposed to break into a community that values privacy so much? The best approach is to stick with the calendar of events & parties listed on the swinger sites. Don’t search Google or vanilla sites like Eventbrite; they tend to be full of scams. The easier a “swinger party” makes it for you to find & buy a ticket without being verified, the more likely it is a scam that will rip you off, the best case, disappoint you.
Swinger party scams come in all shapes. Some will take your money but provide nothing. Others will take your money & have one or two paid “guests” posing as swingers. Others will promise an all-out Vegas-style party and deliver a warm case of PBR beer in the local one-star motel.
Real swinger parties almost always have an application/review process. If you aren’t sure about a sponsored party, you can ask about the event in the SwingerNewbies subreddit. If the party is legit, the community will share feedback & helpful tips to help you decide if it is the right scene for you. If the Reddit community has never heard of it, it is most likely a scam you should avoid. Another possibility is that they are brand-new party organizers. That’s an iffy scenario. On the one hand, new organizers can be more motivated to please guests and offer better customer service. Their parties also tend to be small early on, so you might have a more intimate experience. On the other hand, throwing a good lifestyle party is hard work, and some people are just terrible at it. You might want to save your money until they have built a solid reputation.
False Alarm Over Party Fees
Real swinger parties tend to cost a decent bit of cash. Most of these parties can’t sell alcohol, so they cover all their costs with high admission fees. Many of them need to operate as a social club that charges a membership fee for legal reasons. These membership fees can be over $100/year on top of your admission fee. That might sound scammy, but it is a legit scenario. Vanilla bars can make money all week long, but swinger clubs usually only have one party a week. The rent still needs to be paid even if the place is empty all week long, so that is why high admission & membership fees are the norm.
Fake Swinger Dates
Remember, if it seems too good to be true, it is almost always a scam. If someone claims to be a hot woman on a free site like Reddit or Twitter, don’t blindly trust them. The free sites are overflowing with troublemakers.
Some of them are trying to steal your naked pictures. Others want your money and ask you to pay for a “security background check,” which is fake, or they may ask you to join their premium Snap or OnlyFans profile to “prove” you are a real swinger.
A particularly nasty scam is when they invite you over to “their” place and say they will leave the door unlocked for you to enter. Watch out for the trap. It is likely a stranger’s house with security cameras hacked to record the chaos. The scammers then upload the videos to show off their prank – exposing your identity as a swinger. And potentially risking your life if the homeowner is armed and alarmed by a random stranger walking into their house. Never let yourself into a stranger’s house, no matter how much you want that hot date to be real.
Safer to meet at a public place for first-time meetings. Be smart and stick with the paid swinger sites & verified profiles. When trading pictures with an unknown person, you can ask them to hold up a piece of paper with a specific word to prove they didn’t just steal someone else’s pics (or recycle their own from 20 years ago). Unfortunately, even real-time photos can be faked if the scammer hires a woman on Fiverr to take selfies for him. Keep your wits about you and keep your guard up. Protect your swinger privacy because it is almost impossible to regain once lost.
Splitting Hotel Charges with Strangers
It is common for swingers to split the cost of a hotel room for a date. After all, sharing is caring. If you have never met the other couple, you should be careful. Hopefully, they have a verified profile on a paid swinger site with recommendations from several other couples on the site. If you met them on a free site like Reddit, keep your guard up. The free sites are overflowing with flakes & troublemakers. The free site people often won’t show up either because of last-second nerves or because they only wanted your naked pictures. Safer if you don’t book a hotel room on your card or send them money in advance.
Medical Scams
We all want to stay healthy, and that means asking about STI test results. That is common & not necessarily something that should set off alarm bells. The odds of being a scam increase when they insist you use a particular doctor. There is no reason you shouldn’t be able to use any doctor you choose. Using their “doctor” can open you up to potential identity theft and/or inflated medical fees, and that is assuming the “doctor” is even legit. There are secure apps that you can use to store your STI test results. If you don’t feel comfortable trusting a potential swinger partner to be honest about their test results, that is a red flag that maybe you shouldn’t be swinging with them.
Picture Collectors
The more someone asks for your naked pictures, the less likely they are genuine swingers. Legit swingers are more interested in meeting up in real life. They aren’t looking for an online pen pal to trade dirty pics. Sure, swingers enjoy sexy images. We all want to ensure there is attraction. That can be handled with a fully clothed picture. Asking for multiple naked pictures is a big red flag. You don’t want to waste your time on people who aren’t actually into swinging or, worse, be exposed on the internet without your consent.
Post-Coital Huddle
We also want to remind you that there are plenty of different people & approaches in the lifestyle. Simply because you encounter a potential warning sign doesn’t mean it should be an immediate deal-breaker. Use the warning signs as reminders to exercise caution before proceeding.
To keep yourself safe, think twice before acting once. Stay sober-ish when meeting new people. Yes, alcohol can help soothe nervous energy, but it can also make us overlook signs of potential danger. You want your wits to be as sharp as possible.
Phew, that was a lot. We aren’t trying to scare you. Thankfully the scams & headaches are vastly outnumbered by the great people in the community who do a solid job looking out for each other. When in doubt, never hesitate to ask other swingers for their opinions.