Some people see anal sex as the ultimate taboo while others see it as the ultimate thrill. There is definitely plenty of curiosity about it from new swingers.
Before we start, let’s be clear that it is not part of every couple’s play menu but it does have a presence in the lifestyle. If you are interested in enjoying anal play on swinger dates, we are here to help you weigh the pros and cons, find potential partners, and prepare for hot fun.
Anal sex is not exactly common in the swinging lifestyle. Few people expect to have anal sex on any given swinger date unless it is featured in their dating profiles and/or discussed prior to the date. This isn’t because couples don’t enjoy it. It tends to be less common in the lifestyle because it is simply more complicated than oral or vaginal sex.
Anal tends to involve extra planning and preparation so some swingers choose to avoid the extra hassle and take it off their play menu. Another reason some swingers skip this play activity is because of the additional health risks associated with anal sex. STI risks are much higher with anal sex.
There are also some couples that love, love, love anal but save it for their core relationship. It is one way they can enjoy swinging thrills but still keep some aspects of intimacy reserved for just themselves.
Though backside play might not be as common in the lifestyle, there are still many happy fans who partake of it. Don’t get too excited though – even if you happen to hook up with swingers open to anal play, there is no guarantee of it during your date.
Like every other aspect of swinging, doing it with one partner or on one date does not grant blanket consent for it to happen again. Some swingers are very, very particular (especially when it comes to size) on who is gets the green light for backdoor action.
Anal play usually requires more communication and a delicate touch to be enjoyable, which can be hard to manage if you have just met your play partner. So even if someone is a fan of it, they may wait till they develop a comfortable connection and trust before taking this step with different play partners.
For all of these reasons and more, anal sex is not common for swinger playdates.
Boosting Your Chances
If you are hoping to enjoy some anal action with like-minded swingers, take heart. We already mentioned many reasons why some swinger couples don’t do it, but there are also reasons why some couples seek it out. Maybe the lady enjoys anal play but her husband is too big for her to be comfortable. Maybe the husband loves anal play but his wife doesn’t so it gets reserved for playdates. Maybe a swinger man wants to explore his bisexuality. Maybe countless other things. Like we said, there are countless reasons why some swingers might be interested.
Ah, technology. Coming to the rescue once again to help us find shared kinks. Try using the search filters on swinger dating sites to find other couples specifically interested in anal play.
If you are at a swinger club, check out the arm candy. Some clubs give out different colored bracelets to help couples spot folks with similar play preferences. Just make sure you understand the house’s color code because there is not universal agreement on what specific colors mean. Different clubs use different colored bracelets for newbies, anal, BDSM, soft, etc.
Remember that play is not guaranteed even if you establish having similar styles and fantasies. When meeting and flirting with any swinger whether you found them online or in the club, make sure to ask before proceeding to touching. Talking about liking a particular kind of touch is not the same as wanting it in the moment. Don’t assume anything. Show that you can be trusted and respectful. Go slow and make sure there is always clear consent. The more comfortable your play partner feels, the better chance you have of anal fun.
Now let’s talk about preparing for the hot fun. If your partner is on the same page about anal sex, you don’t want to sabotage yourself by not being ready. Make sure you have everything you need for a fun, comfortable and safe time.
Start by picking out some good lube designed for anal penetration. There are plenty of good lube options that cater to all needs. Some also have special flavors or increased sensations. Stay away from desensitizers. It may sound like a good idea to reduce pain, but you want to be able to feel if something isn’t right. Maybe you need more foreplay or to adjust the angle. Being numb can lead to bad injuries or infections, which can have serious health consequences and require awkward explanations to a doctor.
Make sure you pack plenty of condoms. Be careful if you are using oil based lubes as they can compromise condom strength and break them.
Speaking of condoms, let’s say again there is a far greater risk of spreading STIs during anal sex than other sexual activities. Backside play tends to cause micro tears, which makes it much easier for STI transmission. Condoms reduce, but do not eliminate, the risks. And not that a bonus is necessary, but condoms also make for easier clean-up and faster transition to the next round.
Before your planned play date, it can be helpful to use a butt plug. They are a fun way to safely prepare and get your backdoor accustomed to stretching. If you don’t do this, be ready to spend extra time on the foreplay to allow for relaxation and stretching of the sphincter.
When picking butt plugs or any anal sex toy, make sure they have a flared base. The sphincter is designed to guard the anus, so a natural contraction can pull an object inside if there is no flared base. Unless you like emergency trips to the doctor, look for a big flared base. If you are eyeing a bigger toy or a strap-on dildo, be cautious. Anal toys often look deceptively small but feel much too big, so err on the smaller side.
Hygiene is of the utmost importance before and during any type of anal play (frankly, we think this is true of any sexual activity). Make sure you shower well, wash all toys, and everything is shaved or tidied beforehand. You want your grooming to be top notch for this. Some people like to use a douche or home enema before a date to reduce any potential mess during the sexy part.
Make sure your hands are given a good scrub too or better yet wear gloves if you will be switching between multiple partners. Any ungloved fingers that touch the anus should never touch a vagina without being thoroughly washed. That is likely to cause a very painful UTI and hell hath no fury like a a lady suffering a totally preventable UTI. Be smart and be extra hygienic. Sexy fun is clean fun.
Time For Fun
Once you have matched up with a swinging couple that you trust and prepped yourself, you still need to discuss boundaries. Once everything is clear, start off with foreplay to get the person who will be receiving in a comfortable mood. Orgasms are fantastic aids for relaxation and lubrication.
When everyone is warmed up and consenting, you can move to the backside. Communicate with each other the whole time. If the process is enjoyable, be vocal about what is working and what is not. If there is too much discomfort, stop and take a break or a try a different technique. Real life anal sex isn’t like anything you may have seen in porn or Hollywood swinger movies. They edit out the long warm-up and all the other hassles, so have realistic expectations.
If the anal play is successful, you might start wondering about double penetration. This is a big time fantasy for some couples. Before engaging in double fun, make sure all three of you are comfortable with it.
There can be incidental touching as three people try to squeeze into the right position for double penetration. Not everyone might be comfortable with that touching, so pay attention to everyone’s comfort level and keep up the open communication.
It may turn out that double penetration with anal is too painful or just isn’t working this time. If that happens, don’t be discouraged you can always try again or next time use a smaller toy instead of a full size person.
It can turn out that after trying anal play, you or they might discover that it’s not your thing after all. If anyone feels this way, it should stop. Always be a good ally. Respect the decision and comfort level of others.
Bonus Anal Swinging Tips
During any anal play even if it interrupts the flow, always be the most hygienic. Oral or vaginal sex after anal sex can cause infections so clean up first. Likewise fingers or toys used in anal play can cause painful infections if they aren’t immediately cleaned.
Don’t be scared to re-try anal sex in the swinging lifestyle. You may have not enjoyed it with larger endowed men or inexperienced men doing it incorrectly. The good thing about the swinging lifestyle is the variety of sizes available to you.
It is possible neither of you have any interest in anal play of any sort. Don’t feel pressured into trying it by other couples or think you have to do it because other people are into it. You do you. If you enjoy, feel free to share that. If you don’t, feel free to decline it. You are in control your swinging experience and can always change your mind.
Enjoy experimenting together, after all that’s a big part of what the lifestyle is about. You may discover kinks you never knew you had.