Swinging is not simple or easy, especially as a single man. Hooking up with a single lady is so much easier than it is to find a couple willing to let you join them. Looking for a connection in the lifestyle can feel like navigating a minefield if you’re a single man. Just one misstep, and your chances of succerss get blown away. To help you move with more confidence, we’ve put together a list of common blunders that cause single men to fail in the swinging lifestyle.
Using the wrong terms
Terms like “alpha” or “bull” are more akin to the cuckolding lifestyle, and cuckolding is different from swinging. Swinging is more about respectful casual sex. Cuckolding is a fetish more focused on power play. Using the wrong terms will turn off potential matches because 1) it shows you don’t know what you are doing, & 2) your ignorance disrespects the people whose approval you need. Learn the vocabulary and use it properly.
Looking in the wrong places
If you look in a garbage can, you are going to find garbage. If you want to find real swingers, you need to use a reliable swinger site, which almost always means paying. The free sites tend to overflow with fake profiles trying to rip off nude pictures with no cost and little hassle. Real swingers tend to stick with paid sites. To make sure you use the right paid swinger site, look up your location on our list of the most popular swinger dating sites. Each area favors a different site, and you don’t want to waste your money on joining the wrong one.
Being lazy with your profile
Fill out your profile as much as possible. Be original and interesting. Talk about your hobbies, make some jokes, and share some cool places you have visited. The point of a profile is to make people want to get to know you. Keep it tasteful. Skip the crude comments. If you still have no clue what to write, read the profiles of other single men. Most will be anemic and unhelpful, but you’ll also encounter some tough competition that will give you ideas on what to put in your own. And take the time to proofread your profile.
Not posting good pictures
We all enjoy our privacy, but single men can’t afford to play it too coy. You need to show some of the goods if you want to attract a sexy connection. Post a few different looks, including you in a nice outfit and a tasteful underwear shot. You don’t need to show your face right away, but you will have to unmask eventually (unless you plan on wearing a paper bag to your play date). Use decent-sized pics – thumbnails blow. Make sure they are in focus and feature an attractive background. (Please, please crop out toilets and hampers!) Don’t be afraid to ask a trusted friend to help you with a photoshoot. The one thing you should keep private is your junk. Keep it to yourself until a potential match asks for it.
Being desperate in your messages
When messaging swinging couples, focus on what they have written in their profiles. Show that you bothered to read a little about them and point out a shared interest. Yes, you can comment on their pictures. But don’t act like you have never seen a sexy picture before. Focus more attention on the life experiences or hobbies you have in common. Establish a friendly & respectful connection before opening up the sex conversation. If you are worried about privacy, check out secure messaging options.
Presenting a sloppy appearance
Spoiler alert – if you want more sex, spruce up your look. You don’t need to be airbrushed perfection, but you should look like you took more than two minutes getting ready. Ditch the ratty t-shirts and baggy cargo pants. Maybe try wearing real shoes. Looking ready for swinging doesn’t require an expensive new wardrobe; it just requires you to think a little about what you’re wearing. Whatever you choose to wear, wear it well. Iron your clothes. Tuck in your shirt. Put on a belt. Polish your shoes. Little touches make big impressions.
Projecting negative vibes
Personality still goes a long way, and a bad attitude can ruin a good look. Be mindful of the energy that you carry with you at a club and on a date. Body language speaks volumes. Make sure that you project warm, approachable energy and don’t get preoccupied with any negativity from earlier in the day. And don’t let one rejection ruin your chances for the rest of the night. Take it in stride and keep moving forward.
Moving too quickly
“Less talk, more action” might be words you live by, but you’re probably going to have to do some talking before you see any action in swinging. Keep the conversation light and flowing. Do not veer off into contentious issues like politics, religion, or any other divisive topic. Focus on getting to know each other. Become friends first. Going crude too soon is rude, and it usually backfires. Hold back those sexual comments until you have established a solid rapport. The more you connect outside of the bedroom, the naughtier things can get in bed. If this sounds like too much work, you can probably appreciate the appeal of paid sex workers.
Forgetting that the majority rules
When you join a swinger couple, you should be ready to adapt to their preferences. A threesome maybe your fantasy, but it is their relationship. Single men need to remember they are temporary guests for the couple. You don’t want to get voted off the sexy island, so best to be as accommodating as you can. Stay true to yourself on the stuff that matters to you, and be as flexible as possible on the rest. You want to make it easy for them to say yes. Remember, the man has veto power, so make sure to show him some respect and work together on making her fantasies come true.
Not being a gentleman
Show that you have class. Greet the couple you are meeting with a polite handshake to the man and a respectful handshake or hug to the lady. Be courteous. Chat with the male partner, don’t just compliment the lady. When it comes time to play, take your cues from the couple and err on the side of moving slowly. Seduction & foreplay are essential. Don’t rush any of it. Start with light touches and kisses. Better to be too gentle than too rough to start. You can always go harder later but can’t undo pain or bruised feelings. Communicate about what feels good and pay attention to what your partners say & listen to their body language. Always ask and don’t assume anything.
Having loose lips
Swingers value their privacy. Don’t kiss & tell with your vanilla friends or even your swinger friends. Show that you respect privacy and know how to protect it. Don’t probe by asking too many personal questions. You aren’t looking to marry them, so you probably don’t need to know. Don’t reveal information you know about other swingers, even if you think it’s harmless. Loose lips sink swinging chances.